flutter

the sun gave your gaze life

as fresh butterfly's we struggled with colored wings at this rebirth

reassurance sent us soaring in the charming winds of acceptance

my sweet everything

oh how you blessed me so

we traveled fair and far

o'er and through

cloudy skies and tangled webs

dirty lies and paths we dread

yet we held strong our clutch our grasp our bond

so angel put your eyes out to dry

hang them out heavy from me

I do well with treasures

when you fall

flutter back sweet breath

I'll comfort with netted clouds to soften your impact

for now my star I'm here in gallant pose

honored and boasting

with wings strengthened by your admiration

I am prepared now to reign undefeated

to protect that love you've cautiously guarded

I here now

in oath

let all the friends rejoice and the lepers all stare and burn with humid fires of jealousy

for we will be the ones smiling under the cool comforted winds of love

with cherish cat grins

on butterfly wings

.......

Reviews

[Seriana]

I really love this up the where you end "in oath". I think it could have stopped there for me. There is a heavy sense of hope that you put forth in a desired trust. I like that. It has a strong, yet fragile fee to it (if I am reading it correctly). One of you're softer pieces, I believe. Wonderful all the same!

[Cardinal Robin]

I like where you're going with this, I think it's worth taking some time to refine.
I stumble on "gave your gaze" and " put your eyes out" maybe it's where you divide the lines....
What to say but, I feel you on this one, you're reaching and the metaphors have almost grasped this moment. I know your grasp is beyond this write, so give it more of you.
Like a hedge you can simply trim this one. Here and there.