Periac

Dear Periac

splendid the mirage of me

thoroughly distant and controlled

save face in this troubled time our dear Periac

pretty the words that scribble from your thoughts

dress them with cunning angelic accents

palette of cool blacks are performing shadow dancing upon this canvas

even us worms find the beauty in dirt

(the same worms we carefully dodged after GOD pisses)

you see my old friend

though crimson the eyes of a devil may seem..

pretty and strong with their apple gleam....

stand proud in a wolf's fur ready to resign...

the words you wanted to net her in time...

this shaky hill you have stooped upon

grants you a fertile view of the dales scattered about

I offer you to choose one..

a path if you will...

regardless of your decision

I'm here friend

as I always have been...

in silence

Periac

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

I really liked the first part of this. As usual, you choose your words carefully and I particularly liked some of your imagery, the fourth stanza especially. As a whole, though, the piece seems a bit scattered. You had me until the sixth stanza, when you switched to metered, rhyming verse, which doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. "though crimson the eyes of a devil may seem" sounds awkward in comparison to the language that you were using before, and that makes the rhymes that follow feel forced and unnecessary. Is there a particular reason that you were trying to call attention to that stanza? If so, there are other ways to do it, like playing with the line breaks or the formatting. Speaking of formatting, the alignment on the page confused me a bit. The poem seems structured as a letter, but most letters aren't usually centered in the middle of the page. Perhaps you want to try reformatting the poem to look more like a traditional letter, and see how that impacts the piece as a whole?