sadness

demo song

you came through so sudden
in the wake of the sunlight

i stayed while you were dancing
my heart was racing
as we tumbled to the ground

you were a ghost of the season

your mirage i came upon
with cherry wrists i laid them on
your statue of sadness

even though i'm turned on
in a poets shirt with the heart sewn on

i knew

you were just a ghost of the season

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

even though i'm turned on
in a poets shirt with the heart sewn on

oh how i love that line, there is such a truth in there.. those of us who write such soulbaring work often have our hearts wide open, beating with vulnerability, for any who care to peruse...

this one is just so..

all i can say is yes, that's it. exactly

[bluessadmood]

this is so romantic ,lovely words,lots of emotions,i really liked this so dreamy writing,i liked these lines a lot...
i stayed while you were dancing
my heart was racing
as we tumbled to the ground
then you say...
your mirage i came upon
with cherry wrists i laid them on
your statue of sadness
you were a ghost of the season
really this great ,images and wonderful words

[Dani California]

This is ..... wow.. probably the best of yours that I've read periac....

"your mirage i came upon
with cherry wrists i laid them on
your statue of sadness.."

I really liked that stanza, though they all had an impact!
I am saddened by this piece, yet I'm not sure why.
To me it represented the illusion of love...
loneliness...
sadness...
for love was only an illusion created in the mind,
flowing from the pen... of the poet.
That's what I read..
but I often create my own interpretations, not necessarily
the intent of the author.

Either way, I think this is a great poem! It certainly pulls
emotion from the reader... which is what I personally look for in
a poem. Excellent job!!

[Sarah]

This was very pretty & contained a lot of nice description. (: I loved the rhyme in "your mirage i came upon / with cherry wrists i laid them on" Lovely. ^_^

[Nicholas Hallows]

I really enjoyed reading this.

your mirage i came upon
with cherry wrists i laid them on
your statue of sadness

- I love the rhythm and rhyme of this stanza - but the whole piece is full of really good lines and images.

Nice!

[This Page Does Not Exis..]

If my review could be a picture it would be a wave. Slow at first, super-extra-quick, and then slow again.

A simplistic analogy, but that is exactly how this made me feel. Your word usage ,in terms of timing, throughout this piece (and all your writing) is UNBELIEVABLE. You literally hold my heart in your hands and make it beat sloooowww...and fast, with your usage of words. That is saying a lot.

My favorite line:
"even though i'm turned on
in a poets shirt with the heart sewn on "

My mental picture is priceless. ~ Nancy