An Old Man

Reflections

The sun had bid goodnight in blazing flame

At vespers the church bells called healthy and lame

To walk back home an old man was intent

His back was laden and his shoulders bent

 

His bones bemoaned the ascent of an incline

A stick in hand, aching he did not whine

A whispering sigh was his unique lament

As steep stairs he scaled, his back still bent

 

At the front of the church he stood erect

He dropped the stick sighing he nearly wept

Sitting on a bench made of cement

Turning to God, this supplication sent,

 

“In your abundant love for humankind

Heaven and earth you made, all one can find,

To help us all your grace sent from the sky

Though grateful I must express my cry

 

The sun beats on my back when stooped I toil

Pushing the hoe so deep into the soil

I see the stars when I return at night

For me their beauty is lost, they are only light

 

My mate is pain which tortures flesh and bone

Constant companion, I am never left alone

Your love for me would be more manifest

By granting me the time to have a rest”

 

He resumed his walk at a slow pace

Leaning on the stick, sadness in his face

He hoped that the sun would shine again

To lift his spirit and relieve his pain

 

 

Reviews

[JayG]

• To walk back home an old man was intent

Your focus on the rhyme as the important thing has you talking like Yoda in order to get the rhyme you need. And this continues.

But the rhyming of structured poetry is an accent, not the purpose. Done well, the rhyme should seem almost accidental, with the focus always the thought being expressed, with prosody of for more importance.

You might find the excerpt to Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Travelec, interesting. What he has to say about the flow of words in a given language is brilliant.

[peppino ruggeri]

Thank you for you comment. In the particular case of this poem, I tend to agree with you.