Rachel

unfinished...please comment and critique!

 

Rachel

            When Earl looked outside that autumn afternoon, he saw two small kids carrying boxes up his front steps. He grabbed a Camel out of his pocket and lit it, muttering under his breath. The phone rang, and he let it. Then the doorbell rang, and he banged his fist down on the kitchen counter. Tossing his cigarette into the nearby ashtray, he unlocked and opened the door. Two children stood there, a boy and a girl. Earl peered out at them, at the grass stains on the boy’s knees and the girl’s messy ponytail. A deep wrinkle appeared in his already creased forehead, and then smoothed out suddenly. He shifted his weight from one foot to another. The silence stretched on as they looked at him, and he looked past them. Finally, he glanced at the girl, and her startling blue eyes held his.

            “So, uh, what are you carrying there?” he asked.

            “Well, sir, we’re selling these pencil cases,” the girl explained quietly.

            “For our school fundraiser,” the boy added, and she smiled at him, her dimples showing.

            “Why would I want a pencil case?” Earl asked.

            “They’re only five dollars, seven for two, sir,” she persisted. He sighed, dug in his pocket, and came up with a ragged, dirty ten-dollar bill. He shoved it at her, his face still tight. She grinned, took the money counted out three ones, and places them in his palm with two pencil cases.

            “Hey!” he protested, but she looked him straight in the eye.

            “Thank you for your business, sir. We really appreciate you supporting our school.” Earl nodded and closed the door, locking it. He picked up his cigarette again and sat down on his couch, poking at the large lumps with ragged nails. His hazel eyes stared off at the chipped paint on the wall as his chest rose and fell with his breathing. Even as he struggled to keep them open, his eyes drifted closed. It was only a few seconds before he sputtered awake, his cigarette still in his mouth. He tore it away from his lips and stuck it in the empty glass on the coffee table. Then he stretched out across the length of the couch and closed his eyes. He was asleep in seconds, but the cigarette lay still in its transparent prison, putting up a thin wisp of smoke.

 

 

            ***************

 

            Earl woke up three hours later. He yawned and reached into his pocket for a cigarette, then put it back. Slowly, he stood up and walked to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, closed it again. Reaching into a cupboard for a glass, he filled it up at the sink filter and set it on the counter. His stomach growled.

            “Shut up!” he told it. “I’m not hungry.”

The phone rang harshly into the silence. He got it on the third ring.

            “Hello? Yeah, I’m Earl Grey. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s funny. I’m sure my parents did too. Yep. No, I’d rather not. Please take me off your list. Okay, bye.” He hung up.

Glancing at the clock, he looked toward his bedroom, and then walked to his front door, put on his jacket, grabbed the keys hanging on the nail, and walked out of his condo. Instead of driving somewhere, he just strolled along the street, where the cars were fast and constantly swerving. It was almost dark by this time, and was much darker by the time Earl turned the corner of his block. A couple passed him, holding hands, laughing, and staring into each other’s eyes. They kissed straight on the lips—he knew because he turned to watch them as they faded. He heard sirens as he turned the corner, and then saw the reason. There was a car smashed into a pole, and as he looked closer, he saw paramedics. Two carried a woman out and put her on a gurney, and then one of them emerged carrying a little girl in his arms. She was crying and clinging to the man who held her. Earl stood there, and then walked up to one of the paramedics.

            “Is there anything I can do to help? What happened?”

            “This area is off limits to pedestrians, and that’s not information that I can provide you with, unless you’re related to them.” The EMT rattled this off dully, and Earl shook his head.

            “Oh. Well, is the little girl going to be okay?” he asked.

            “She’ll be fine, but I have to get back to work. And there really isn’t anything you can do to help. So I think you should be on your way.”

            “Yeah.” Earl walked back to his house, put on his pajamas, brushed his teeth, and climbed into bed, but closing his eyes didn’t help him. He lay awake for hours, staring at the ceiling.  Suddenly, his phone rang. He jumped up and ran into the kitchen.

            “Hello? Earl Gray. Yes, that is my name. Oh. Oh, I see. Right now? Yes, I’ll be right there. What’s going on? You can’t tell me now? Ten minutes. Okay. Bye.” He dressed quickly and went out to his car, shaking his head. When he arrived at the hospital, he went to the floor that Doctor Morrison had specified. He was waiting, with a clipboard and a serious expression on his face.

            “Earl?”

            “Yes, that’s me. What’s going on? You didn’t tell me much on the phone.”

            “And for that I apologize. I thought it was better that you hear the… situation in person. Earl, you’re a father. You have been for eight years, and I think you know that much. However, Tracy Williams—the mother of your child—was very reluctant to give up your name. She wouldn’t say why. But because she’s under very serious charges for drunk driving and putting another human life at risk—namely, the child’s—we convinced her that she had to tell us.”

            “Wait—what are you talking about? When did this happen? What exactly are you talking about? An accident?” Earl closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands for a moment, then his head snapped up to stare the doctor in the eye. “I need more information! Where? How?”

            “The accident happened tonight. She was drunk and she ran into a light pole. The little girl was in the front seat next to her, and her arm is broken. She also had to get some stitches. The mother is in very serious trouble—as any one who committed this sort of infraction would be.” Earl shook his head.

            “No…that’s the accident that happened not that far from my house! That can’t be my child! And Tracy? She drinks now? What is this, some sort of joke?”

            “I wish I could say that it was,” Doctor Morrison replied. “I should probably let you talk to Tracy yourself. Follow me.” 

Dr. Morrison led him to a hospital room, with a woman that looked both weak and strong at the same time. Her body was limp and fragile, but her eyes were a vivid green, and she glared fiercely at Earl as he stood at the foot of the bed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, coming here?” she hissed. “After all this time, you’re going to take Rachel away from me? I don’t think so!” Earl met her hostility calmly.

“Tracy, I’m not exactly the one who drove my car into a pole because I drank too much.” He raised his voice a little. “If you care about our daughter so much, why was she in the car with you?”

“How dare you judge me!” she screamed, trying to sit up, and then lay back, convulsing in pain. Earl sighed, and then said quietly,

“I didn’t come here to fight with you.” He went over to the side of the bed and knelt down at eye level. “I know you’re in a lot of pain, and I don’t want to make that worse.” She turned her head away.

“Then what did you come here to do, Earl?” she whispered.

“I don’t know. Who were you thinking would look after Rachel?”

“I have lots of family.”

“Biologically, I am Rachel’s father. Maybe…it would be good for her to spend some time with me. Does the fact that we didn’t end up together make you hate me?

“The past pretty much defines what I think of you, actually,” she croaked hoarsely. “I mean, any guy gets his girlfriend pregnant and then asks her to marry him out of duty or guilt must be a real catch, huh?” She turned her face away from his, and he saw her wince in pain.

“Tracy, that’s not why I asked you. I loved you before we made love. I loved you during it, and I loved you afterward, when I found out you were pregnant. It may not have been ideal for you to have a baby so young, but if we had gotten married, maybe everything would have worked out.”

“What, instead of all this crap I caused? You always blame me.” She raised a hand weakly, and Earl looked at it as she strained to make it shoo him away, but failed, and let it drop quietly back to the sheet.

“Go away. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to think about you. I wish I’d never met you.”

            “You wish that there was no Rachel then.” She turned to glare at him.

            “Doctor, get this—” she broke off suddenly. Apparently, Doctor Morrison had slipped out silently while they talked. “Get out!” she spat at Earl. He rose to his feet.

            “Nice to see you again,” he muttered as he left the room. Doctor Morrison was waiting for him, and said as they began walking,

            “I’m sorry about that, um, situation. I wish I could make her see reason.”

Earl smiled weakly at him.

            “She never did see reason,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. The doctor looked away. Earl walked quietly for a few minutes, then said suddenly,

            “What am I supposed to do if she doesn’t want Rachel to stay with me? Will you just call one of her relatives?”

            “That’s a real possibility. It’s your choice, really.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “It depends how much you want to spend time with your daughter,” Doctor Morrison said brusquely. “I need to get back to work, sorry. I hope you can figure it out soon.” He turned to leave, but Earl said,

            “Wait. Can I please see my daughter?”

            “Yes, I’ll write down the room number for you.” The doctor scribbled something on the paper. Earl took it and turned to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

anything you want to tell me, but especially what I should cut out or add :)
characters... :)

Reviews

[Danielle]

So this is not a full story, right? I want to know what happens next. :)

I think you need some taglines because it was sometimes confusing to figure out who was speaking. I think it was very good, though. I love that his name is Earl Grey. I was immediately drawn to this story because my best friend's name is Rachel :) The character interaction is very nice.