Gods & ProphetsA Poem by Penulis KecilA Slam! piece about finding oneself.For gods that never worshipped back, I have cried into buckets dug trenches into wells emptied my soul watched myself wash away under sprinkler systems where wasteful wanters called to freedom, let water restrictions be damned.
I have weakened here for pages unfolded then leashed my tongue held my fingers back and let words fade into obscurity where false gods proclaimed belonging.
I was never strong enough here for words that couldn't make themselves heard as they dribbled down the empty spaces red paint screaming accusation and negligence and the silent voices of a thousand diaries broken apart and bleeding thoughts still cannot move this nothingness to action.
My tears have soaked the pages here of books dog-earred, creased and too-well-loved where someone saves the day or someone's heart glues itself to someone's heart or the very best of them all, the ones where the paper unbinds itself with over-love, where someone finds herself.
In the echoes of shadows, of sad-hows and show-sad, I have handed up my registration collapsed upon and collared nothingness given solidarity and form; when wasteful wanters called to freedom I heard. I answered. I gave it all.
And it is only now I think to ask... To whom?
To whose gods have I pandered, locked myself and lost myself? To what unconscious end have I washed and brushed and faded away?
I, who worshipped gods who never worshipped back I, who am nothingness; I, who am unfound; must now turn the rusty key in the door seek out a forgotten being belly-slide through the dirt tangle knots and whorls colour myself visible with pencil rudiments.
I, who worshipped gods who never worshipped back; I, who am nothingness; I, who am unfound; must find new gods to worship (gods who teach and learn and love and live), open into somethingness, and find a way to find myself again.
I, who am unfound, must find within the found. © 2011 Penulis KecilAuthor's Note
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Added on October 5, 2011Last Updated on October 10, 2011 Tags: slam, individuality, self AuthorPenulis KecilCaboolture, AustraliaAboutI'm a 29 year old Australian woman who has, like most people, experienced a number of things in life. I think I'm pretty friendly, if a little odd and silly. When I'm not writing, I enjoy other cre.. more..Writing
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