unidentified

An intruder lurks within - not all emotions come easily labelled.

i try to examine you

from new angles;

standing on my hands,

eyes squinted,

head tilted just a little

left, right, left again.

 

here in the light

i pull at your limbs,

splinters of unfleshed bone;

if i hoped you'd crumble,

your particles only dust,

i was mistaken.

 

i don't want to know you,

you who waltzed in

and made your home

this place behind my eyes;

 

but how can i exorcise you

if i never see your face?

Author's Note

As always, all polite/relevant reviews are welcome - including constructive critique, grammar and spelling corrections. Finally, thank you for taking the time to read/leave a review!

Reviews

[Steelwine]

The simple use of imagery was what I enjoyed the most about this poem. You have an admirable economy of words that says just enough without overstating.

My biggest suggestion is that, though I understand that lacking capitalization can be a stylistic tick, I would recommend it for this poem. It would make it more pleasing and striking to the eye.

You might also consider incorporating some sort of meter to make your lines flow a bit more easily. Trimeter would probably work the best if you wanted to keep your current line length, which you definitely should because short, concise lines are almost always better for tight subjects like this one.

[Poeticadia]

Trying to get a grasp on that on those elusive inner selves is something perhaps only poetry can hope to do; or maybe art. And yet you would never be sure if the face was 'right'. This makes me think about how i catch an inner voice using the plural first person 'you' in place of 'I'. I love the way the poem makes this particular inner self into something curiously physical in order to try and dispel it... and how it cannot be dispelled because it lacks a 'face'. Succinct and beautifully crafted.