April 4th 2021

This is an autobiographical memoir.

Day was a slow crawl. Saw a black cat with green eyes and I thought it will fetch me luck. Damn it, I am having no luck and I am not winning any prize for the windfall draw.

I am pondering on the great Philosopher Nietzsche’s Will to Power. This will is the embodiment of all desires that are earthly and carnal. The will to power is the will of all desire. First there is desire, then an affirmation of thought and then finally s there’s a phase of desire-fulfillment. I try to use this affirmation of will to power in my life and I hope to get positive outcomes as days pass by.

Then I am thinking of Plato’s allegory of the cave. There is a dark cave with people and there’s a bright shaft of light emanating from the outside. The people are dazzled by the light. What Plato meant to say was there’s a world of forms, an eternal world where ideal forms exist. Yes, in way it is true as we have the soul and the spirit which makes us a bond with God. However, this beautiful mystery can’t be proven but only can be felt. Since we are created in the image of God, God is an idea of an eternal form.

I am also fascinated by two philosophers: Sartre and Camus. For them life is absurd, chaotic and meaningless. But they also said: man has to authenticate his existence. For me life is a celebration of meaning and in it there are states of ecstasy, catharsis and angst. Life is the subjective realm of satisfaction. The states of angst can be vindicated by the mechanism of nihilism. Life is the fulfillment of created meaning. Life is the preciousness of meaning. Camus in his existentialist philosophy uses the metaphor of the Sisyphus who is forced to roll a boulder up hill and only to his consternation, it rolls down and he is forced to do this meaningless and repetitive task. I ask Camus is life really absurd and meaningless. Life has the creativeness to choose, to exert meaning in life.