Chapter 1

I was content. Or at least I thought I was. My life wasn’t set in stone, but it wasn’t blurry either. I don’t know when or why it happened, but it was like one day I opened my eyes and all of the sudden, it was blurry. Maybe it was the lack of faith I had within myself, or maybe it was just reality setting in, but all of my hopes, my dreams, disappeared in the span of eight hours. Well, that’s life for you. It promises great things, but in the end, it just f***s you over like the rest of the world.

Growing up, my parents were never the sentimental kind. They never promised me great things, or told me to reach for the stars. I basically had to believe in myself or no one would. No one would care. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t bad parents. I had food to eat, a bed to sleep, and probably more than I needed. I had all the material things that a girl could possible want.

The emotional things, well that was a different story. I was never told I could do anything I set my mind to or that if I want something bad enough, it could be mine. No, I had to learn that from Full House. It’s not like my parents didn’t have feelings, they just weren’t too good at saying them out loud. That must be where I got it from.

It’s the same routine every day. Get up, brush teeth, eat breakfast, and go to school. Listen to some whiny kid saying how their life is so terrible because their boyfriend didn’t open the car door for them this morning. Go home, listen to my parents fight, and then write until my hands were numb. It was a boring life, but I was content. Or at least I thought so.

It was the summer before my sophomore year that things started to change. People started to change. My best friend was no longer someone who would stay at my house all weekend and we would watch meaningless TV shows and eat pizza, but rather someone who goes out every weekend to wake up Monday morning not knowing anything that happened. If you would’ve asked me a year ago, I would’ve called you crazy and felt sorry for that girl. But now, all I wanted was to be that girl. All I wanted was to have as much fun as I could before life started catching up. Before things started to actually matter. Because I knew they would eventually, and honestly, I thought I was a lot more prepared than I turned out to be.

As time passed, I started caring a little less every day. I started forgetting things and not paying attention to what was going on around me. I felt lost. I was furious with life and everyone in it. So eventually, I said f**k it. I didn’t want to spend what they say are the best years of my life being sad and lonely all the time. I wanted drink alcohol and screw around. I wanted to be the person that I knew in time I wouldn’t get to be anymore. 

So my life took a full 180 and I was the opposite of who I thought I was. And honestly, I liked myself better. Other people liked me better. Some people would beg to differ, but I didn’t care if they did or not. I was me and I didn’t give a s**t about what other people thought. Because in my mind, I was f*****g awesome. But the problem was, I was losing my mind.

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May 26, 2011: Kendall

“Hey b***h!” I felt myself take a forward on the impact of someone hitting me. I turned around to see my best friend Paige, standing behind me.  Her blonde hair shined against her tan skin. A whistle came out of the guy’s mouth that was walking past her. She never failed to get all the guys.

“Hey girl, what are you doing?” I asked her as I cleaned out the rest of my locker. It was the last day of our freshmen year and I could not get out of that school any quicker.

“Just getting everyone pumped for the end-of-the-year party tonight! It’s going to be so sick.” She hopped up and down in excitement as she explained the party to me. “You’re going, right?”

“Uhm, I don’t know.” I said. I shut my locked and started to walk with her. “It doesn’t really seem like my style.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” Paige said loudly. “This is going to be the hottest party of the year, Kendall. There will be booze, boys, and everything you could want! You cannot miss this.” She exaggerated.

“I’ll think about it Paige.” I told her, already having my mind halfway made up. I wasn’t the type to get drunk and hook up with boys. It was only half based on the fact that I didn’t want to do it. It didn’t help that I didn’t really have the image that guys wanted to be attached to. I hadn’t gotten the best reputation and I didn’t mind it either. I was satisfied with where my life was and I didn’t need any changes.

“You better go s**t, or you’ll be sorry!” She winked at me before running down the halls with the other screaming students. The final bell of the year had just rung and everyone was getting ready to end the year with a bang. There were papers flying around the halls as someone stopped and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and screaming in my face. I laughed before walking out of the front building of school.

I rode home, planning on taking a hot bath and reading a good book that night. What I didn’t know was going to happen was a party that would change my life.