Love

A Poem by Jasmine

Been on my mind for a long time

She was so beautiful

I felt bad when she cried

She was so beautiful

The tears consumed her paper

She was so beautiful

The peace she longed to find

She was so beautiful

I wish I could help her

She was so beautiful

I reach out to wipe her face

She was so beautiful

The mascara and foundation mixed together

She was so beautiful

I whispered, "I love you"

She was so beautiful

She faded away

She was so beautiful

Forever in my heart she will stay

© 2023 Jasmine

Author's Note

How can Improve, is this any good, what would you rate it on a scale 1-10?

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Featured Review

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada

I like your poem, Jasmine. It has heart to it. One thing I would advise is to just write and be truthful to your thoughts and intuition. Don't worry about having to conform or appease an audience. True art doesn't work that way. Art is subjective and people love what they love. Some will enjoy what you create, while others may be indifferent to it. That doesn't make your work bad or defines its value. Writing is a lifetime journey and skill. With each passing day and created piece you sharpen your tools and voice. The art you create will begin to resonate with your audience. It's like having a conversation with a stranger. You want them to know you and remember you by how much you are willing to share about yourself and how you see the world. If the conversation is short and to the point without any sense of emotion it is easily forgotten. But if you paint with your words and make someone feel and see you or the world differently than that is memorable. A writing teacher once told me that good writing seeks to elicit emotion or relevance in the audience on a personal level. Make the reader feel, see, touch, smell, and empathize with the message you seek to convey. Create structure that can work on different levels where a piece can attain ambiguity and yet have a variety of meaning behind it that finds resonance to your audience. Good poems can be like puzzles that make the reader curious about deciphering its deep message. But doing this type of art takes time, and patience. For every minimal success you will have tons of not so good work. It is all a long arduous process in finding your voice and style of writing that is unique to you, but more importantly resonates with your readers. I would encourage you to read other poets both new and old. You don't have to read everything but read what intrigues you and makes you feel. Then write something but don't just submit it, study it and improve upon it. Let it sit there for days and weeks, or longer. Because not all poetry takes 5 minutes. I worked on stuff that took months to write, and even after putting all that time into something only a couple of people read it. But I was so happy that they took the time to read something I wrote and that to me was reward enough. Writing really is a lifetime journey and so worth it in the end because it brings you closer to who you are as a person and artist. So don't worry about the opinions of others. Just write what moves you as a person and what you are willing to share with the world about how you see things and feel them. And as you improve you will make them feel the same way with your art. Continued success in your writing journey and please just keep on writing. CLE

Posted 2 Years Ago

I like your poem, Jasmine. It has heart to it. One thing I would advise is to just write and be truthful to your thoughts and intuition.  Don't worry about having to conform or appease an audience.  True art doesn't work that way. Art is subjective and people love what they love. Some will enjoy what you create, while others may be indifferent to it. That doesn't make your work bad or defines its value.  Writing is a lifetime journey and skill. With each passing day and created piece you sharpen your tools and voice. The art you create will begin to resonate with your audience. It's like having a conversation with a stranger. You want them to know you and remember you by how much you are willing to share about yourself and how you see the world.  If the conversation is short and to the point without any sense of emotion it is easily forgotten.  But if you paint with your words and make someone feel and see you or the world differently than that is memorable. A writing teacher once told me that good writing seeks to elicit emotion or relevance in the audience on a personal level.  Make the reader feel, see, touch, smell, and empathize with the message you seek to convey.  Create structure that can work on different levels where a piece can attain ambiguity and yet have a variety of meaning behind it that finds resonance to your audience.  Good poems can be like puzzles that make the reader curious about deciphering its deep message.  But doing this type of art takes time, and patience.  For every minimal success you will have tons of not so good work.  It is all a long arduous process in finding your voice and style of writing that is unique to you,  but more importantly resonates with your readers. I would encourage you to read other poets both new and old. You don't have to read everything but read what intrigues you and makes you feel.  Then write something but don't just submit it, study it and improve upon it. Let it sit there for days and weeks,  or longer. Because not all poetry takes 5 minutes.  I worked on stuff that took months to write, and even after putting all that time into something only a couple of people read it. But I was so happy that they took the time to read something I wrote and that to me was reward enough.  Writing really is a lifetime journey and so worth it in the end because it brings you closer to who you are as a person and artist.  So don't worry about the opinions of others. Just write what moves you as a person and what you are willing to share with the world about how you see things and feel them. And as you improve you will make them feel the same way with your art. Continued success in your writing journey and please just keep on writing. CLE

Rating /100

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Reviews

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada

Posted 2 Years Ago

I like your poem, Jasmine. It has heart to it. One thing I would advise is to just write and be truthful to your thoughts and intuition.  Don't worry about having to conform or appease an audience.  True art doesn't work that way. Art is subjective and people love what they love. Some will enjoy what you create, while others may be indifferent to it. That doesn't make your work bad or defines its value.  Writing is a lifetime journey and skill. With each passing day and created piece you sharpen your tools and voice. The art you create will begin to resonate with your audience. It's like having a conversation with a stranger. You want them to know you and remember you by how much you are willing to share about yourself and how you see the world.  If the conversation is short and to the point without any sense of emotion it is easily forgotten.  But if you paint with your words and make someone feel and see you or the world differently than that is memorable. A writing teacher once told me that good writing seeks to elicit emotion or relevance in the audience on a personal level.  Make the reader feel, see, touch, smell, and empathize with the message you seek to convey.  Create structure that can work on different levels where a piece can attain ambiguity and yet have a variety of meaning behind it that finds resonance to your audience.  Good poems can be like puzzles that make the reader curious about deciphering its deep message.  But doing this type of art takes time, and patience.  For every minimal success you will have tons of not so good work.  It is all a long arduous process in finding your voice and style of writing that is unique to you,  but more importantly resonates with your readers. I would encourage you to read other poets both new and old. You don't have to read everything but read what intrigues you and makes you feel.  Then write something but don't just submit it, study it and improve upon it. Let it sit there for days and weeks,  or longer. Because not all poetry takes 5 minutes.  I worked on stuff that took months to write, and even after putting all that time into something only a couple of people read it. But I was so happy that they took the time to read something I wrote and that to me was reward enough.  Writing really is a lifetime journey and so worth it in the end because it brings you closer to who you are as a person and artist.  So don't worry about the opinions of others. Just write what moves you as a person and what you are willing to share with the world about how you see things and feel them. And as you improve you will make them feel the same way with your art. Continued success in your writing journey and please just keep on writing. CLE

Rating /100