a thin line

Elias & Ophelia

a thin line

"haha..f**k," 

he says through his laughter. he is laughing

uncontrollably with anger and wickedness,

"f**k!f**k!f**k!f**k!f**k!"

he's yelling now and pacing back and fourth 

with his hands running through his growing hair.

"whats wrong?"

i ask, hoping its not me.

he stops pacing and looks up at me,

with his jaw clenching and his eyes wild. he comes 

toward the end of the bed and kneels to the floor, not keeping 

his eyes off of me.

"it's you. you're whats f*****g wrong."

this doesn't sound like him at all. his voice is different 

and his eyes are dark.

"you,"

he's coming onto the bed, closer to me, until we're

face to face.

"you're in here."

he's pointing both of his fingers to my head.

"you've got me all entangled in my thoughts...

all jumbled up and nothings clear anymore...

it was supposed to be simple. i was supposed

to just avoid one feeling and now you've got me

feeling multiple,.. too many. now i'm living in two 

worlds and i don't know which ones better and 

which one is worse. do i stay where all i do is feel

me or do i go where i feel me and you?"

he opens his eyes to me then closes them backup

its too painful to even look at me.

"what do you want, elias?"

my voice disgusting him.

"i want you gone! but not like you go

away somewhere else. don't go away

somewhere else cause i'll just come

look for you. i won't be able to stand it.

i want you gone like never here ever. like 

out of my goddamn world."

i'm speechless.

he's grabbing my neck now, holding it

tight.

i'm breathless.

I'm not fighting him much, just trying

to calm him down. i reach for his face, trying 

to get him to let go and lean into my palms.

he does and i don't catch my breath because it 

is taken again when he kisses me.

i can feel his grip around my body and the

force he uses with his lips.

its like there is a hard struggle of him

hating me and loving me.

he doesn't apologize, not even when

he comes out of his trip.

maybe he doesn't remember it or maybe

he regrets not going through with it.