Moments from my diary (Part 1)

A Story by Payel

Someone who became a friend and still holds a special place after 2 years. This is for him. "Cheers to our 2 years of friendship".

The world was spinning round me, as I walked through the corridor of my department. On the wall, it was inked- Human Physiology. I was proud of being a part of my college, being a part of Presidency apparently. But deep inside, I had complaints and disappointments about being here. Nevertheless, I knew the tags matter and people will respect me in the outside world for being a part of this heritage. I was contended with this thought. Life had changed so much here. I walked towards the histology room, which was forcefully chosen as our examination hall so that some could have easy access to cheating. Silly people. Neither the room looked like a hall, nor it was a comfort zone. Rather it was damp and more humid. To my dismay, I saw the room is locked and a couple of my classmates were giggling around outside it. None had slept at night- it was quite evident. They found a bit of solace in cracking jokes and relieving the stress at that crucial moment. Feeling all the more feverish, I sat down on the floor. It had been a long night for me. I had just arrived from Bangalore the other day at night, and the journey being so sickening had made me nauseated. The feeling was still there. I was just hoping to pass in my last Major theory paper of graduation.

Soon, the guards came up and opened the door, and everyone rushed past to get a 'safe' seat. I was too weak to run; I somehow walked to the nearby desk I could find. The watch said 9:45am, 15 minutes to exam. I saw around. People were engrossed in their notes and books, some of them discussing the pharmacodyamic principles of drugs. I tried to recall what I had studied on it, and my imagination got blocked midway. I was doomed, I felt. The exam started, and as I had expected it was a disaster. But I was relieved. The exam was over. Miraculously, I realized I wasn't feeling sick too.

As I started gathering my stuffs, Shinjini came up to me and asked,"how was the interview?" Many gathered around to listen to me. Fragile fame it was, I wondered. I loved talking and sharing my experiences, and hence, happily I started narrating them my interview at IISc in details. Halfway, Debarpan gleefully said- "you are definitely making it here, and then you are treating me to beer." I smiled. As I had finished, I saw Shravasti narrating her side of story to the remaining few. I lent my ears too. As it turned out, her interview wasn't satisfactory. She was disheartened. I was sad for her, knowing the fact that it was her dream institute. But somewhere in the corner of my heart, I was happy too, because I had given a good interview. According to me at least. As we were getting ready to leave, my phone rang. I had received a mail. I opened it. It was a notification which read- "Abhirup Bhattacharya wants to be friends on Facebook". Intrigued, because I hardly receive friend requests, I scanned through his profile. "Cute", I thought and clicked "Accept". That's how it all started. A die-hard Chelsea fan, like me, very active on the social networking site ( i could say that, because every now and then, he used to pop up with something or the other in my homepage) and quite popular it seemed.

Days went by; I went to Bangalore again for another interview, came back after being kicked out unexpectedly and was finally a free bird. 3 years of strenous life had finally got over and I could relax. All I was left with loads of poetry and Facebook. Yeah, it sounds useless, I know. I had actually become jobless. But who cares! I was enjoying the phase. I remember, it was 10^th June and I was busy playing scrabbles online. I loved the game. I didn’t really see it was late at night, and I should prepare my bed. As I was trying to make a word that would fetch me more points, I saw this Chelsea fan online. Instead of completing the game, I thought I should talk to him. He seemed interesting from his appearances and the site had made sure that I notice him even when I never wanted to by filling up my home page with his updates.

I said- “hi”

He- hi

I continued- “my news feed is filled with your updates, so I thought of talking to you.

He- “then I must be very active here, it seems.”

I (confused) - “yeah seems so. So Chelsea fan?”

He- “yeah, I just bought a Chelsea t-shirt today. You too?”

And it continued. I had got the momentum. That was my first encounter with Abhirup. I have to admit am not a nocturnal species like him, and I had never imagined I would become one, because of him. My best friends knew I could never stay up late even before exams, I preferred getting up early in the morning. But conventional rules were soon going to be broken, I didn’t know that then. Because of being a highly ambitious person and having the dream of getting into IIT had made me an unsocial person in the last 1 year and 6 months. I had hardly interacted with a guy so much. My world was surrounded by books- physics, chemistry, maths and biology. They made me happy and I was determined to make it large, to make it to IIT soon. It was after a long time that I was chatting so coolly with a guy. Well, guys scare me at times, honestly. I have had very bad experiences with them in the past, and have somehow come to loath the fact that they exist. However, talking to him was a turning point in my life, I was unaware then. He was charismatic, good to talk to, and I could gel with him so well. Perhaps it was because we both were scorpions. That sounds superstitious but I strongly felt, and still feel, its because we fall under the same zodiac sign- possessive, possessing extreme emotions, short-tempered, independent mentality and so on, and of course, not to forget Football. He was an English literature student aspiring to become a writer and win a Booker Prize someday (I loved the fact that he dreams big), me a human physiology student with dream of becoming a scientist and winning a Nobel Prize someday (I dream big too). Varied choices, priorities and hopes but still there was an invisible string which connected us both. Borne out of care, love, compassion, the friendship, unexpectedly, was going to find an important place in the book of my life. I had not thought about all this when I first talked with him. I just heard my inner voice say- “you should talk more”. My inner voice is stupid and emotional, but I still tend to follow it, and I did. I started talking more and more and even more. There were times, when we slept after the birds woke up. It sounds unusually funny, or maybe it does not.

The best part was that we could talk about each others’ subjects even though there was no connection between the two. He loved to know and I appreciated it. In the initial encounters, I was hesitant to trust me, because of some obvious reasons, but deep inside, I wanted to trust him. That is more important, I suppose? He seemed so genuine and good. When I last felt this way for a guy, I don’t remember! Strangely, I felt he was the guy standing at the corridor that none will notice (barring his childish, cute look) and I was that person who would notice no one but that guy standing at the corridor. He has so much inside him which he never portrays on his face, but I somehow tend to look at them and feel bad. I don’t know if its just my imagery or is really true and I never tried to figure this out. The only thing that really mattered to me (and still does) was his smile- a genuine smile that would reflect in his eyes. Few days, and I talk like I know him all. This seems so stupid, yet I am in love with this stupidity.

As I look back these few days, the most memorable moment with him (yeah, I already have a memorable moment) would be the night he revealed himself to me. I could never tell him how happy it made me. There were tears in my eyes and smile on my face. That dimly lit night seemed so beautiful. What he called his “dark side”, never really occurred to me as dark, rather I felt we have got close to each other. I shared things with him too, things which none but him know, and I don’t regret the fact that I told him. In fact, I don’t regret anything that relates him with me. No, am not in love with him, if that’s what is being portrayed out here, but I seem to connect with him in a way that has never happened before in my life. I don’t know if it’s the same from his side or not, I secretly wish it is, but its completely fine even if it is not. He is weird, he is funny, he is an unconventional human being, a dreamer and undoubtedly a very good person. He is like the rainbow that makes the sky look beautiful- very vibrant. However, everything is not picture perfect. Some aspects of his do get on my nerves but I can consume them all. I realized he treats this friendship as a glass of mirror- very beautiful but brittle, and he doesn’t want to take any risk with it. He tends to be extra-cautious which I hate the most, because some risks are worth taking. He claims to be unexpressive, but we have had many incidents where he did express himself. I still remember the golden words he spoke (they are simple, but precious and it came out after a lot of struggle), “As you can understand, I stay a little distant from people, don’t express much, thus people tend to lose patience and go away. Thanks for being different.” I felt I complete him in a way. (This is MY imagination, I guess). That was the sweetest comment I think I have ever received in the last 21 years. And more so, because I knew it was not fake.

There are loads of small incidents which have bound me to him, and I find happiness in those small things. I won’t say that I don’t get irritated by him or that he doesn’t hurt me knowingly/unknowingly, it’s just that these are mere petty issues which come up and go away like a shooting star. There is lot more to this friendship. I prize it and I am sure I can go to any extent to keep it safe. So much so, I can keep him before my dreams. I have never said this to anyone before, but my “inner voice” says I can say it for him. Even if this sounds an exaggerated reaction, I don’t mind. Life has its own way of giving surprises; this has been the best surprise it gave me till date. I so much cherish this person, he will never understand. Its okay not to understand, because certain things can’t be penned down in words. They just need to be felt, and someday I know he will understand it. Its just one month today and I am smiling and saying- “What an unusual, yet beautiful story it is.”