pathetic

sad

stingy with their love

no life preserver

thrown to me

flailing in this lost sea.

just a word 

from you

could lite

my nite

you could be my sun

you have the keys

to my prison

Reviews

[emmah]

imprisoned dreams are our greatest threat - not the weapons and monstrosities we've heaped on ourselves - they exist because dreams and wishes and poems have been held hostage to misplaced keys for too long - it's the ones locked up right now - that will, one day - change the world

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

Do you really want to give someone the keys to your prison.....If you already have the keys; then open the door yourself and be free....It may not be worth the wile to put your liberty in the hands of another....courage Paul...

vincent
www.esprit.stblog.com

[Crinkle°]

I've untitled a poem 'Pathetic' also, so I was curious to read yours... Such a harsh lil writing! sad, yes... I really hope that you feel better since.

[Emily B]

my internet is down again and so the words I would have left last night wouldn't upload . . . wish I could remember what they were . . . they may have been a little clever, but in the light of day it looks like you've been left lots of love

but next time you get to feeling sideways, name the word and it will be yours

[...]

. ah! ... emms just said it ... like only she can ... why aren't all locksmiths poets too? ... would make life so much simpler ... may the keys be found soon ... :) ...

[Robin]

the title , ths poem follows it , and describes it in a highly parallel fashion . you have expressed the emotion so well it seeps from every pore of this body of work , and in that, strange as it may seem to others , I find Art

This works right up until the end. I felt the energy was really slowed and it felt like too much of an explanatory statement. being told that "you have the keys to my prison" at this point in the poem, is pretty much redundant. This idea is very much hinted at in your other previous statements so there is no emotional feeling when the reader moves through that line. This one could be a great quick poem if the ending was sealed up tight. Thanks

[Ed Hart]

hoping this is an old one, a very old one...and it it's not, i find it difficult to comment on how nicely you've said it