what really scares me
is the dawn
when i hold the sun down
and refuse to let it rise
and all because i've finally
forgotten what you look like
when you sing
good, like a japanese koan, you are waiting now for realization, "strange movies in my sleep".... good placement in the poem to give it impact. THe way the two middle lines work makes the poem work,.
i finish reading the poem, and i make a click sound with my mouth, a sign to say you hit it on the head. seven lines was all it took to express a moment of sleep and a moment of waking. i really like the way youve divided the lines, it gives the poem a soft flow - like that of the first light of the day - and also gives the reader just a taste, one flavour to hold in the mouth and suck on for a while, taking in its lingering sensations. this definatly has an impact and due to its simplicty and short length, stays with the reader for a while after reading.
thanks for letting us take a walk past the inner sign posts and leaving us with a fresh bright taste in the mouth.
nice!
. beautiful! ... seven lines ... seventh heaven ... cloud nine ... dreams definitely are strange movies ... we just have to do time to figure out ... in retrospect ... if they were based on true stories or not ... :) ...