Who Am I?

I know in life there are and will be many hardships a person must go through. I know that in this world there are people who have life a lot worse than I have it. I know that my world may seem cruel depressing and sad to me, but maybe not others. In the end, everyone is the same. Even though my life is not the hardest I am still a mistake.

My name is Park. I was born in Seoul, South Korea in 1996. My biological father has never and will never know that i exist. My biological mother gave birth to me in a facility where they care for orphans. Right after my birth, my mother left me there. Both of these people were 17 years old. I will never get to know who they are. Knowing this has caused me great pain throughout my life so far. It has shaped who I am today. It has made me feel like I have been a MISTAKE since the day i was born.

In my life there have always been three big thoughts that have helped and haunted me everyday of my life.

1. No one has ever wanted me in this world since the beginning.

2. All I do is everything worse for the people around me.

3. I will always be truly alone.

These three thoughts have molded my psyche, dictating every step I take. Like most people in the world, My life has been full ups and downs. Even though I was too young to understand even the simplest of ideas right after I was born, little did I know this was only the beginning.

At the age of one, I was adopted into a very kind family in the United States. I grew up, went to school, had friends, and two loving and caring parents. As a young child my life felt like it was the best it could be.

My parents had their flaws. They were a lot older than other parents. They had tried to have children but Mother miscarried two children. As a result at the age of 45, they decided to adopt a one year old Korean boy. To them this was a last resort to have a child. They loved me with all their hearts but at the same time I could never connect with them. Knowing that I was a last resort to them, knowing I wasn't blood. When I got older the more distant I felt from these people who adopted me. The people I spent most of my life with.

I grew up had a normal life. I was never popular, but I was not the most hated. I was that one boy in school who everyone knew, who was kind to every single person nerd or jock. People saw me as kind and i talked to almost everyone. Even though I seemed normal when I got older the less people knew who I truly was outside of school. I had a couple very close friends as a young boy. Three in particular. I’ll refer to them as A, J, and C. We would hang out almost every weekend. Even though they were not the greatest of friends with each other, I was the middle man. As time went on into middle school and high school, we slowly drifted apart. It got to the point that we ever saw each other outside of the school. High school was where I realized just how alone i was.