Cuts

A Story by Ixah

Short story.

She threw herself to the floor with such force. Everything, her life, family, schooling, thoughts so depressing in Veronica’s opinion, she cracked. Not so long after did the tears begin to flow down her soft skin. Her emotions were entirely erratic and she was unable to regain control. From an outsiders view point, Veronica may have appeared insane, but they wouldn’t have the slightest clue. Her life was shattering in every possible sense to the worst of extents. Just over the past few days, she’d been stuck at home due to an illness. Veronica is always ill. At times when she isn’t sick…she makes herself sick.

A life that no one should have to endure, pain and suffering so vast; physical and mental. “I want a new life,” she whispered into the carpet within the darkness of her room. “I want to start all over again.” Too bad second chances don’t make a difference.

Veronica’s entire life was set around perfection. I need to be the perfect student. I need to be the perfect daughter, the best friend…someone with potential and a bright future. I need to be pretty and thin and set my standards to extremes.

She didn’t think her life through. Things are only perfect for so long. The plain imitation soon peeks through the cracks and you soon learn that all the puzzle pieces were never meant to fit. Insanity kicks in and following that, the deep overwhelming darkness held within the confines of your mind.

Veronica got up from the floor, never reaching for the light switch. Her hands felt around in the darkness, guiding her towards the bathroom. There, she eyed herself in the mirror, listing all her imperfections and slowly growing agitated and repulsed. No one would ever love such a person; no one would ever bother.

“I want a new life,” Veronica whispered once more as she fumbled around in a nearby drawer.

There. She found it. The tiny object glimmered when the light hit it at the perfect angle. It would shine almost like an angel. This was Veronica’s savior, the thing she craved most for comfort.

A voice inside her head screamed for her not to do it, but she didn’t have a choice. All was completely out of control and she never meant for things to have gone this far, but now that it did, only a slice would keep the darkness away for a little while longer.

Her knees gave way and Veronica slid to the floor, the tiles feeling cool on her bare skin. Once again, tears began to overflow and she looked her arm up and down for the perfect place to inflict.

The razor dug deep, penetrating her flesh in all the right ways. Blood began to seep from the wound, streaming down her wrist and dripping onto the open floor between her legs. Another slash and Veronica’s pulse was pounding. All her veins felt numb yet so alive. Again, slicing herself for a third time, deeper now, blood began to gush. In that instant Veronica’s thoughts cleared and the damage was all too clear.

She was beginning to feel drained, physically heavy and it was a chore to keep her eyes open. The life was draining out of her through her wrist. Veronica made yet another mistake; her cuts were too deep, so imperfect.

Without thinking she grabbed for the towel across from her and pressed it to the wound. The razor fell to the floor, its end stained in red.

“S**t, s**t, s**t, s**t!” Veronica hissed through clenched teeth. Her mind was beginning to space out. What she needed right now was an ambulance to take her away to the intensive care unit.

She crawled out of the bathroom screaming for help, expecting someone to hear her. Of course, no one had and Veronica continued to scream until her voice was reduced to nothing more than a whisper.

“Help me,” she whimpered to herself as she searched around in the darkness for her cell. “Somebody help me.”

Veronica’s arm fell numb and the blood continued to pour out of her in what seemed like buckets. Finally, she just passed out.