theme i: gherkins

A Chapter by patroclus

in which two thieves break into witch's hut and get into one hell of a dilemma.

"There's no way," Victor says. "This is going to work."

"You're too pessimistic," I reply. "And that's why you're not in charge."

A glance over my shoulder tells me that Victor has more to say but I shush him with a finger and grin. The witch's window is ajar; just wide enough for me to catch a sliver of a steaming cauldron. I c**k my ear towards the gap, trying to weasel out any tell-tale sounds of movement. Nothing. I wave Victor closer and he creeps beside me, careful not to step on any twigs. I peek inside. Yeah, empty.

"It's all clear," I whisper.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

I slide the window higher and slip through it with practised ease, my boots hitting the wooden floor with a dull thump. Victor follows a second later. In a glance, we can tell that we're in a kitchen. There's the cauldron, of course, its contents glowing purple. Smoked meats hang from the ceiling, bound with thick ropes, along with garlic and onions. Shelves line the walls, stacked with cheeses wrapped in cloth and jars crammed with everything from pickled gherkins to pickled eyeballs. Victor smacks his head against a hanging basket of herbs. I laugh.

"So?" Victor rubs his forehead with a frown. "Where's this magic bird supposed to be?"

"The bedroom," I shrug.

"This is the kitchen," Victor points out helpfully.

"I can see that."

"Then why are we in here?"

"Because," I say, impatiently. "Other than walking straight through the front door, this was the only entrance we could find. Now, let's get going before -"

"Wait a second, Laurent."

"Don't -"

"Sh!"

Before I can stop him, Victor clamps a hand over my mouth. He glances at the door. I follow his gaze. Then I hear it - footsteps. Coming straight towards us. We don't need to say any more. Exchanging frantic looks, Victor and I scrabble away from each other, desperate to reach a hiding spot before we were caught. I'm a lot of things, but witch food isn't going to be one of them. I make a dive for the large cupboard along the far side of the wall. Thankfully, it opens and I manage to wedge myself in on top of the linen.

And just before I close the door, I see him.

Stupid, bloody Victor -

In his wild bid to dive under one of the benches, he knocks a jar of gherkins into the cauldron.

"Oh sh-," I hear him say.

Then, the sound of hell's gates being torn open.