Dying soldier

I was fighting to keep our love alive
I fell into the trap and was held captive by your love
If I only knew you were a wolf in sheeps clothing

You stood still like calm ocean
Not making a sound, no emotion
Your eyes were filled with lies
Pointing a gun at my heart and pulling the trigger
Enjoying the sight of dying love

Now my heart won't stop bleeding
My heart pleaded with me to carry on fighting
I ran through flying bullets
I begged, I cried, I was petrified of pain
You walked away not looking behind

Collapsing from exhaustion
With my heart barely alive
You in the distance just a fading memory
Just a matter of time when you will disappear
Along with my broken heart

I crawled in your direction keeping my heart alive
I had one more fight left in my soul
But you kept shooting at my heart
The agony grew beyond me
I'm a dying soldier who had one mission
To bring happiness and love into your heart

My heart was filled with love
Now it's full of hatred and pain
I'm too dead to feel
You stole my soul
Drifting through life without a place in the world

I'm a dying soldier

Author's Note

Review are much appreciated

Reviews

[AK]

Great poem, patti! I really liked the idea of a dying soldier. The way you expressed emotions in this poem, aided by a wonderful set of words is amazing. Keep writing!

[Pawprints]

I really liked this. The clear, yet painful imagery seemed like it needed a heroic soundtrack, as ridiculous as that may seem.

Keep writing :)

[zainul]

Great way of presentation.
Appreciate red for showing anger.
My favorite line is,'I had one more fight left in my soul'

[Whiskurz]

Metaphorically Beautiful.....you're very talented my friend....Whisk

[patti]

thank you very much

[KurKota]

Very nice write. You have a gift that shows creativity in how to make a statement. The verbal picture you utilize with the shooting thougth the heart, to dramatize heartache is used frequently, but you use it in a very distinct way. Graphic, yet not repulsive. Good write.

[patti]

thank you very much

[Daniela Jamiso]

wow really goof!!! really great writing :)

[Daniela Jamiso]

Ahaha no goof!!! good* lol

[Chris]

Amazing and powerful write! great writing here!

[patti]

thank you

[Storm K.]

lovely, clever poem with such a solid ending. Very emotional, the imagery was great! I really enjoyed this, the only thing I didn't like was reading it in red, but that's a personal thing :P Great work!

[patti]

thank you, well i chose red to represent the anger and pain as red is a colour of blood

[teardrop]

deep powerful read, enjoyed

[patti]

thank you

[Hey Hey Renee]

Powerful. I feel like this could bring down a nation.

[patti]

thank you very much