A Blur

I was laying in front of my laptop, it was cold and dark right outside my bedroom window. My sight began to blur and when it came back into focus this is what happened.

 

 

Your vision shows only blurs and flashes

 

 

 

blink, dot, squint, cringe

 

 

 

inside your head are tiny fortune tellers spewing off lines of fancy persuasion

the clouds scream in freezing uproars, soaking the ground with its purpose

 

 

 

to motion

to move

to breathe

to know

to love

 

 

in focus, the world is a far duller reality

Author's Note

I would really appreciate feedback on everything you read here.
I'd like to know the impact it leaves on you, if any at all.
thanks

Reviews

[Destiny]

I got a deep feeling of isolation from this piece. From the format to the last line (which was very power btw) there was a profound sense of loneliness. I don't know if that's what you intend, but that is what I'm left with after reading this. Thank you for writing.
♥Destiny♥

[Scarlet Opal]

Now this feels like a poem complete, lol. The scarcity of the lines and all that space allows for deep thought. Also, the absence of punctuation keeps the poem flowly freely from one line to the next. Well done kid, well done. =)

[alternative_be]

I like writing in a stream of conscienceness and using associations, like you do. So, that makes me biased. But thanks to our minds and blurry visions we are able to give our daily world a brighter colour!

You're just doing that little bit extra to make our days.

Keep it up please and welcome here!

[Sarah]

"the clouds scream in freezing uproars, soaking the ground with its purpose" I adore this part, Wonderful imagery. And the ending really works for this piece. That last line "in focus, the world is a far duller reality" is really what makes the poem powerful.

[Alexzan Marie]

It does leave an impact. It is heavy and deep and everything that a good piece of writing should be. There is a lot of vague imagery, which goes great with the subject of seeing through a blur. The world is dull when you look through fully open eyes, for that is when you can see the pain and the hatred instead of what your out-of-focus eyes show you to protect you from such evils. It makes me think...and day dream. I really enjoyed it.

[James Takeo Panton]

I recently started writing, and am certainly no professional....but, as a person interested in visual arts, for this piece especially, like it, and would love to see images attached to it as well.......good stuff!

[Writer CW Kirkland]

I thought this was a great poem, and I really like the fact that it came to you on a whim after you were staring out of your window. I totally get it, and I really like it. We all have those "fortune tellers" or thoughts telling us what to do, and it seems like the thoughts run a million miles per minute sometimes. Then we focus back in from our daydream and realize our space is somewhat boring (or a "dull reality"). Thank you for sharing your writing on the Cafe, and I look forward to reading more in the future.

[Courtney Lou]

iIt leaves a slight impact. I'm not too fond of the blink. dot. squint. cringe. part. but yet I don't fully understand that part either. I like the message your sending out. Maybe it's just me, but I'm a little lost in exactly what you're trying to say. But for what I DO understand, I like it.