a so-called "delusion"

yet another poem about a fun psychological condition...don't worry about me, guys, this is just a creative exercise

why

why have i been subjected to this

unable to die

lacking a stomach 

what sin did i commit

no matter what the doctor tells me, he's wrong

"if you don't eat, you'll die!"

bullshit

i can't die, why doesn't he understand that?

and even if i could, i don't need to eat, i don't have all my organs

and yet he claims there's nothing wrong with me, that it's all in my head

how can nobody see things the way i see them? 

it's so clear to me

i've been eternally damned

i can't die

i don't need to eat

it's that simple, and yet they still try to force food onto me, as if that will change anything

i've spent a blasted week inside this hospital

this hospital that i have no need to be in

every day, my vision gets blurrier

the light grows dimmer

but i still don't eat

i don't need to eat

i can't die

i don't need to eat

i can't die 

i 

don't

need

to

eat

i

can't

d

i

e

the light eventually goes out

Author's Note

so i was looking on wikipedia at different kinds of delusions and the "cotard delusion" is apparently a rare condition where one believes that they're dead or that they're immortal. on the page it talked about the case of "mademoiselle x" who "denied the existence of parts of her body, of her need to eat, and said that she was condemned to eternal damnation, and so could not die a natural death." after this it says that she died of starvation. i thought that story was so eerie in a way and i thought it would be good free verse material. so here you go

Reviews

[daniel lee johnson]

I like this and understand it better after I read the Author's Note that you wrote. I applaud the poem now that I see what you meant. I often write on psychological topics exact like you do although my writing style is a little different. Insanity has always fascinated me.

[a pas-tel tin/ted sur_reality]

Yeah, insanity is such a frighteningly interesting topic. I hope you enjoyed my weird writing style

[daniel lee johnson]

I did enjoy your writing style and look forward to reading more of your work. I wish you a happy Easter!!

[a pas-tel tin/ted sur_reality]

You too :) I'll make sure to read your work as well.