Feelings So Impure

When will I ever feel pure?
I feel so disgusting...
So violated...
My grime goes with me everywhere...
I plaster a smile on my face so no one will notice it.
Why do I always fall...
why can't I be strong...like You...
You are a mighty tower...
I'm a worm...so fragile...
And yet I scavenge through the dirt...for sin...
I stuff my face with it...
I let myself get beat along the way
Only to achieve satisfaction
I look for a good time...
But, it lasts for merely seconds
It is only something to make these empty feelings go away...
Why don't I feel filled when I'm with You?
My heart carries a hole...
Nothing can fill that hole...
You feel so far away

A razorblade is rectangular...
My hole is a circle...
Are You shaped like a circle?
No, You wouldn't fit in it.
You are eternal...my heart fails
You are larger than the universe...and I am speck of dust
You are larger than my emotions and my feelings...
Then why is it that You don't fill me?
How many times have I asked You back in my heart?
I've lost count...
I know I can't lose You once I have found You
But, I can lose myself...
I have lost myself...

I'm so broken...
I'm an addict to my own comfort...
An addict to the razor...to sin...
Break my addiction...
Please, break my chains...

Reviews

[darkessence]

very intriguing,
I wondered, at first, if the being you referred to throughout was that of a higher presence (and after reading your profile, I'm guessing that it is?)
what caught me ~ And yet I scavenge through the dirt...for sin...
I stuff my face with it...
I let myself get beat along the way
Only to achieve satisfaction
I look for a good time...
But, it lasts for merely seconds
It is only something to make these empty feelings go away... ~

Also, the part about fitting into your circle heart - I think to truly love someone or something or anything at all those feelings need to consume us, for everything that we are, and wash away our imperfections to descend to the core of our beings. despite any and all impurities, and without reservations or restraint.

the title of this, of your feelings of impure captured my attention, and i can definitely relate, more than you may know. am glad I read this, and (however late the reply) thanks for sharing it ~^_^~

K