Chapter 1

Faith. That’s my stupid contradicting name. It wouldn’t be so contradicting if I weren’t this way. If I weren’t this way I would be a normal 16 year old girl, who is sweet, goes to church every Sunday, has friends who don’t worry about me every hour of the day, maybe I would even have a boyfriend. But that’s not me and therefore this story will not be about a girl like that.

I probably should have thrown it away; they’ll probably check my bags the minute I walk through the doors of the place I’ve been dreading for years. But right now, as I sit here in my parents’ car with my suit case and bag of loved things in the back, I honestly will admit that I don’t think I could have even last a day without knowing it is here with me. Maybe because I don’t know what will happen to me; who I will be when I return home, so it might as well be my reminder to who I was and what I am deep down in my heart.

I don’t want to do this, but I have no choice. It’s my entire grandmother’s fault; she was the one who wouldn’t believe me when I told her I was ok, she was the one who called my parents despite my protesting. What happened after that, I can’t even begin to tell you because I don’t know. I don’t know what happened between the time my grandmother snapped her cell phone shut, to the time when I walked in the front door of my house. I however do know that happened from the time I walked through the front door and to the point that I’m at now.

***

(Flashback)

I opened the front door to see my parents standing in the front hall talking quietly. What’s the use of whispering? It’s not like I don’t know about what I’m already doing

They told me to go upstairs and pack a suit case, also anything that I would want to keep close to me in the time I was gone. They didn’t tell me where I was going though.

“Where am I going?” I asked in a hushed tone. But they want to answer the question, it was fairly obvious by the look on their face, and they didn’t need to anyway. I knew where I was going. I knew I should have taken my life the second I had the chance, but my chance had come and gone.

I walked up the steps to my room and opened the door. My black walls that had pictures of the Black Veil Brides, other bands, and beloved pictures that my friends had drawn for me in our hours in my room, greeted me. But for the first time in years they didn’t make me feel any better; no, they made me feel worse. I left the lights off. Maybe it was better that I say goodbye to my room without actually seeing it.

My hands ran across all of my books, cds, dead headphones, empty pocking boxes, and prized photos of my friends.

Suddenly, my lights flicked on; my mom stood just inside my room- my parents weren’t allowed in my room so what was she doing here?

“We’re sorry that we had to do this to you,” she said while sobbing hysterically, “but maybe, if you had made the right decisions-“

“SHUT UP!!!”

I couldn’t stop myself. She knew nothing about me! She knew nothing about the pain I had been dealing with for the past 4 years. Why should she be allowed to say that to me?

“You’ll be leaving tomorrow after school.” With that she was gone.

I threw myself on my bed and cried. After that I packed my things and looked at my phone. All 3 of my best friends had called me at least 10 times; my mom had called and asked them, and I have no doubt they told her everything. I didn’t blame them; they just wanted what was best for me.

The next day I went to school as planned.

I moment I entered the lunch room my best friend Ella was right there beside me.

“Good morning my little emo girl.” She said with a fake smile on her face. She was trying to stay positive.

Ella, I still question your thinking. You do have snakebites and electric blue hair. Not to mention you’re wearing your combat boots and red contacts that we all love so much because it scares other people!

“Good morning Ella.” I sighed and pulled off a half smile.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to our table where Jake and Michael, our other 2 idiots in our circle of friendship, were already sitting and fighting over fruit snacks.

“Break it up my little gay men; we do have a problem with our little emo girl. I assume her mother called you last night.” Ella commanded.

So I was right! She did call them!

The next moment I was being hugged by my two gay friends. Jake’s soft black hair and Michael’s blonde hair was all I could see for about 5 minutes; I was also on the verge of suffocating from their hug.

It was in that moment I remembered how much I was going to miss them. I was going to miss Jake and Michael, who always fought over the others’ food at lunch and had taken a liking to acting as though they were my parents. I was going to miss those times where only Jake came over and just talked to me as if I were the most important person in the world. I was going to miss Michael and his evil dog that would often bite me in the leg. The times where Ella would make funny faces at random people in the store, when she would make both of go to some bad Chinese restaurant for her love of Wonton soup, and those nights we spent in my room just listening to music and drawing pictures to fill up my walls: I was defiantly going to miss her.

Then, another type of memories entered my head: the times where Jake, Michael, Ella, and I spent in each others’ rooms together; the times where we could truly be ourselves because it really didn’t matter in those moments.

“Faith, please don’t cry.”

I was brought back to reality. Jake was standing in front of me. I think I was going to miss him the most.

The rest of lunch was just filled with small talk, fruit snacks and major amounts of hugging.

Before the day was even over I was called into the office; I was leaving. I let my legs be slow as they walked the way to the office. I was going to take as much time as possible. I was about halfway there when a sad thought entered my mind: I’m not even going to be able to say goodbye to my best friends.

I stopped walking and stood in the hall like a stone. I’m not going to be able to say goodbye. I have to. They’re my best friends. I want to. No I have to see them one more time.

I turned around and headed toward Ella’s classroom first. I knew I would be in trouble for walking in on a class but I didn’t care. I didn’t have to at that moment. I had every right not to.

I don’t care what they think; these are my best friends and therefore I need to see them. They’ve helped me through everything and I need to do something in return; even if it is only just saying goodbye. If the only thing I could do in return was to say goodbye, then I would.

There was her classroom. Should I knock? Or should I just go in?

I took a leap of faith, and opened the door. Everyone in the classroom looked at me; including Ella. I walked over to her, hugged, and whispered goodbye in her ear. In a second she knew. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight. I felt something wet touch my cheek; she was crying. Ella pulled away and looked at me.

“I told myself I wouldn’t cry, but I guess I’m just a crybaby for you.” She said in a sad tone, “Well, go on and get better, but hurry back; I would rather not have Jake and Michael playing house with me. That’s for you.”

I laughed. We hugged one more time and I left the classroom. I didn’t look back to see the teacher’s expression. I just started walking toward Jake’s class. My footsteps echoed in the hallway; it sounded so cold without the entire school making the same sound next to me. Then Jake’s classroom came into view. I opened the door without hesitation.

Once again I had the entire class’s attention; the teacher stood at the front of the room, right in the middle of the lecture. Before the teacher could say anything to me Jake was hugging me and crying his eyes out. I couldn’t help but laugh; after all, it wasn’t everyday that I got to see Jake cry. In fact, I had never seen him cry as hard as he was now; ok, maybe with the exception of the time we shoved him down the steps and he broke his leg.

“Jake, calm down.” I said into his ear.

“I can’t! You’re my daughter and you’re leaving me!” He sobbed. Oh this was hysterical.

“It’s gonna be alright. I promise. Though I probably shouldn’t make any promises considering I break all of them, but you know that doesn’t really matter right now, and I’m willing to look over my promise breaking past and try to keep them,” I was ranting.

“Faith, stop ranting. It helps no one.” Jake whispered.

“But it makes me feel somewhat better, and that’s always good I guess.”

He just nuzzled my neck and cried. I knew he didn’t like to show emotions to anyone he wasn’t close to, so I didn’t care. He was there when I needed him the most, so I would be there for him. He was going to be the one I missed the most. The one who would give his life to make me happy again; he would do anything to make me smile, to give me the chance to have a normal life full of laughter and smiles. But I couldn’t go back to that, so all he could do was try and keep me alive. And that, in my opinion, was something that I could never repay him for, but even if I tried to repay him, he would simply decline and say that it was his pleasure.

I felt him pull away from my neck. He was still crying but I could see he was beyond caring. But something else caught my eye; something that was strangely abnormal.

The teacher, Mr. Mongrel, was sitting and reading a book while the rest of the class looked around trying to figure out what to do. Most teachers would be throwing a fit, but he didn’t. He sat calmly and waited till we were done. I was amazed. It wasn’t everyday you came across a teacher like that, and for once I had a shred of respect for a teacher. Maybe they weren’t so bad after all.

I looked back at Jake. He was still crying.

“I love you Faith.” He whispered.

I stared at him. Wasn’t he gay when I walked into this classroom? He must have read my thoughts.

“Not in that way Faith, I wasn’t meant for you; but I do wish luck to the guy for is meant for you. I love you in a best friend way. You should know that. We all do; Michael, Ella, and me. Now hurry up and don’t take too long. One of might explode if we don’t see you for a while.”

There are such things as visiting hours you know.” Mr. Mongrel said from behind his desk, “And if you’re going to take this much time to say goodbye to her, you might as well kiss her too.”

I smiled. Humor is good thing, and even the simplest thing can make you feel somewhat better.

I said one last goodbye to Jake and walked out the classroom; I only looked back once to see Mr. Mongrel looking at me. He smiled knowingly, nodded, and went back to teaching his class.

I only walked down the hallway when Michael came out of nowhere and hugged me.

“Michael what are you doing out of class?” I asked while trying to pry him off of my body.

“Jake doesn’t cry very often, but when he does you can hear him from a mile away.” He smiled knowingly. He made a good point.

“I’m not going to go all mushy on you. I know you’ll be fine. But please remember that we love you and my dog has no one to bite if you don’t get back soon. Also the teacher thinks I’m in the bathroom so I have to run in about 30 seconds.” He hugged me, smiled, and ran back down the hallway leaving me alone to think.

I smiled. Michael was always the one to make things quick and easy. Such a simple boy he was.

I walked down the hallway toward the office. This time I didn’t walk slowly, I walked with confidence. I would be ok when I came home. There was nothing I could do about it; all I could do was go along with what happened. I lifted my hand and turned the knob, greeting my parents and leaving my lovely school of memories behind.

***

I hear the car engine stop. We’re here. Great. I was kinda hoping I would be able to drag out my time of freedom longer than it had lasted. But since we’re already here I can’t stop now.

I open the door and walk to the trunk of the car while my parents get out of the car themselves.

This is going to be a cry fest. Great. I’m already wishing that they would just leave me alone.

We walked through the glass sliding doors where I was greeted by a lady at the desk. While she and my parents when straight into conversation; I look around at the place I would call home for a little while.

White. Everywhere.

Why so much white? Are all mental hospitals like this? Were they having a sale on it at the hardware store when they were building this place? Too much white. I wish there was other colors.

“I was called down for what reason?” a deep voice said.

I turned around to see a guy with shaggy black hair walking toward my parents.

“This is your new patient’s parents. They wanted to meet you first before they left their daughter here.”

Well, I have to sit in a room with him for an hour this might not be so bad. As long as he doesn’t try and get every little detail out of me I won’t have a problem with him. Maybe.

“Now where is this Faith?” He said.

I looked over at the mention of my name. Both of my parents were pointing in my direction. He waved at me and gave me a warm smile.

Yeah, this might not be so bad.

“Now if you don’t mind, we always have to do a quick check of their bags just to check for any possible weapon.”

Please don’t find it!

The lady took my bag of books and cds first; that was where I was hiding it. She moved stuff around in it for a minute. Then pulled out my small pocket knife and put it on the table. She found it.

Now, for those who couldn’t figure it out, I’m in a mental hospital. And for those who are clueless as to why I’m here; I cut myself.

Author's Note

Ok, well this was orginally written for a class of mine ( a lot of people said it was actually funny and sad all at the same time) and i reallly want to finnish this story cause I'm planning major plot twists toward the middle and end (GASP!). So i hope you enjoy it. Feel free to tell me what you do and dont like.