Desert Island Sketch

Another Pythonesque sketch about people stranded on a desert island.

EXT. DESERT ISLAND - DAY

     Two men sit alone on a beach. GRAHAM, a man in his thirties,
     has created some makeshift clothes, while his counterpart,
     ERIC, is heavily sunburned and his old clothes are ripped.
     They avoid each others gazes, clearly depressed about their
     situation.

                          ERIC
               About earlier...

                          GRAHAM
               Don't worry about it.

                          ERIC
               It didn't mean that I wanted to eat
               you... I just thought...

                          GRAHAM
               Really. Forget about it.

     The two share an awkward silence.

                          ERIC
               I just really wanted some marmite.
               And you're so tanned...

     Both of the men sit in silence as a voiceover begins,
     mimicking a documentary.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (V/O)
               It is people such as these, that
               have to endure the struggles of
               living rough. They get by, but have
               no access to the privileges that
               seem so simple to you and I. A
               perfect example of the system in
               which they live, is the
               relationship between Oliver and
               Terry.


     EXT. DESERT ISLAND - MOMENTS LATER

     OLIVER and TERRY huddle together on the beach.

                          ANNOUNCER
               Oliver and Terry have become good
               friends since arriving on the
               island. Although they had a rocky
               start, with Oliver accusing Terry
               of sleeping with his girlfriend,
               which Terry strongly denies, but
               definitely did happen we have video
               evidence, now they're inseparable.

     Various shots of Terry cutting down trees and Oliver cooking
     meals.

                          ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
               From what we have seen, it seems
               that Terry undertakes most of the
               manual labour, while Oliver handles
               the domestic chores. There may be
               more to this unusual couple than
               meets the eye.


     EXT. DESERT ISLAND - NIGHT

     DAVID, JOHN, and MICHAEL all lay asleep around a crackling
     fire.

                          ANNOUNCER
               These three men are the earliest
               inhabitants of the island, after an
               unfortunate incident which involved
               me drugging them, kidnapping them
               from their homes, and staging a
               shipwreck. The men used to sleep in
               shifts when they first came here,
               however, they have now decided that
               it is safe and no one is planning
               on killing them. They are of course
               wrong. It is now time, to release
               the tigers.

     There is rustling in the bushes behind the men, paired with
     growls. The group stir from their sleep before shouting and
     running away.


     EXT. DESERT ISLAND - LATER

     ERIC sits alone on the beach, chewing on some meat and
     staring at the horizon.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (Mimicking a sports
                     commentator)
               Oh!And in a spurt of madness, Eric
               has decided to kill and eat Graham!
               He has since come to the conclusion
               that Graham does not taste like
               marmite. That's a very interesting
               development!


     EXT. BOAT - DAY

     The ANNOUNCER sits on the deck of a boat with a cocktail,
     addressing the camera directly.

                          ANNOUNCER
               Well, today has certainly been
               exciting. I can safely say that
               this was the best idea for my
               bachelor party. I was planning on
               letting the remaining participants
               go, but I like watching them
               struggle for sport.

     He gives a powerful smile at the camera.
                                   
    
                                  END

Author's Note

Planning a table read in the next few weeks, would like to iron out any problems before then.

Reviews

[angel]

OK, I took two samples from your sketch, both spoken by the Narrator. I tightened the narrative as an example. Your dialogue is fine, but you need a bit of direction for the actors. For example:

ERIC (tentatively):About earlier...

GRAHAM:Don't worry about it.

ERIC(apologetic):It didn't mean that I wanted to eat
you... I just thought...

GRAHAM(a bit irritated):Really. Forget about it.

There is now an awkward silence.

The narrative suggestions:


Oliver and Terry have become inseparable
since arriving on the island, despite a rocky start. Oliver accused Terry of sleeping with his girlfriend, and, though Terry strongly denies this, we have video proof!
and:
These three men were the first of the island's inhabitants.There was an unfortunate incident; they were drugged, kidnapped from their homes, and subjected to a staged shipwreck. I was, of course,the author of their considerable misfortune.
Unsure of how safe they actually are, the men slept in shifts when they first arrived.
Now, however, they have decided that
it is safe, and no one is planning
to kill them. They are, of course,
wrong.Time to release the tigers!



Best of luck to you; I wish you success. I hope this helps you.