What if?

Questioning a friendship.

I don't know what to do.  I've never been put into this kind of situation before.  The kind where I need to decide whether or not you're worth it anymore.  On the one hand, I don't want to lose our five year long friendship.  But on the other hand, we've changed.  A lot.  We're not the same people we were in middle school.  We barely have anything in common anymore.  We have different friends, different classes, different styles.  You are the confident one, in love for the first time, stuck with the positive conflicts, like the next time you're going to see your boyfriend.  I'm the shy, insecure, quiet one, only speaking when I have something important to say, wondering if I'm ever going to get a life.  You just don't see that.

I feel like we've separated.  We're not as emotionally close as we were.  You have problems with me actually being too close to you now, too, while you are perfectly comfortable sitting on your boyfriend's lap for hours.

What if I told you that you changed?  Would you deny it?  Would you agree with me?  Would you accuse me of changing, in return?  Would you call me too sensitive and blow it off?

What if I just disappeared?  Would you notice?  Would you wonder where I went?  Would you wonder if it was your fault?

What if I told you I didn't want to be your friend anymore?  Would you respect my decision?  Would you cry?  Would you beg me to stay your friend?  Would you even care?

What if I told you it wasn't enough?  If I felt like I wasn't a priority anymore?  If I felt more like the annoying little sister, not the best friend?

I'm desperate for a solution.  I need answers to these questions.  I can't live without you and I need you.

What if?