oh, maggot brain

feeling like I have no control over my life

having no control over my life

the more i believe it the more control i lose

it feeds off itself, unstoppable momentum

takes me from my place

turns my face from those of my friends

no longer able to give to another

so much as a gaze

for fear it will disclose this

thing i have so meticulously defined

repeated to myself, a mantra

every factor, each tiny synapse

which decodes and explains these

perpetual motions, these incessant themes

hating that i wondered at it at all

hating the curiosity that drove myself

to define myself

finding myself backed into a corner

by my own doing

hating my own mind, distrusting

my mind! feeling hopeless in the 

presence of my own self

how terrifying it is that the 

mind has the capacity to initiate 

its own undoing.

what terrifying potential to behold

within our most precious gift.