Of Life and Breath

The cold it shouts in silence

and the trees, they steal the light.

Your face still bears the deep-set scars

from when you used to fight;

when truth was truth and lies were lies

and wrong was never right.

Where once you walked so nobly,

before the world was dead

and those who thought they knew you,

they had trusted what you said.

But now you walk this path alone

where no one will be led.

This land knows not of beauty 

and your life holds no appeal,

when every stumbling step you take

denies your pain is real.

Not searching nor forsaking,

you're just trying not to feel.

The pool it beckons with the rest

it promises to give.

The cold just seems appropriate,

reflecting how you live.

Your last breath rises slowly

as you mouth the word forgive.

Reviews

[SkinlessFrank]

there's a great sadness and resignation to fate in these words, mixed with a song that many before have sung once only...heart braking and somber words that stick with you

[Ghostshell]

I adore this. It's really gorgeous. I don't pretend to know anything about writing but I found this quite moving.

At first go one can figure out that it refers to the great prophets of the past or say the preachers or even the tale of an unsung martyr who had died for his countrymen to give "sun from your yonder skies"; as Robert Browning refered in his famous poem, 'The Patriot'. In a nutshell- I like it :)

[M.E.Lyle]

This tale is very intriguing. It almost sounds like you are referring to Jesus, but I don't know. I've read several of your other poems and I really like how you manage to keep things running rythmically.

[K.C. Zbryk]

The way this was written almost makes it feel like a nursery rhyme, but the subject described gives this an entirely darker tone. The contrast between these two makes this piece fascinating and I had to read this multiple times to feel like I truly understood it. You captured the feelings here perfectly and in the end wrote an amazing poem. Immaculate duality.

[asdarkeyesclose]

I liked the emotion that flows through the poem and the exceptional quality of the rhyme. This poem worked for me on several different levels. Stunning!

[Emily]

I thank you for your kind review, and I thought I'd return the favor. :)

This poem is very powerful and very heartbreakingly beautiful. The rhythm is awesome and works extremely well. You do a really nice job of painting this picture of losing someone you used to know to a path of destruction. I've been there. Wonderful piece, can't wait to read more of your work! Oh, and I absolutely love the last stanza. It's the perfect end to a great poem. Keep up the good work, and keep writing!! :D