You Can

This is a challenge. :))

You Can

 

It is evident that the world’s gone from bad to worse, but

You can turn it around like a knight on a beautiful black horse.

 

Depression, anger and fear have consumed the people’s hearts, but

You can be the sliver of hope that would slash these emotions apart.

 

Man has turned his back on his own brother, but

You can be the mutual friend who can reconnect them together.

 

Mother Earth’s been suffering from the greediness of man, but

You can take the first step into restoring everything under the sun.

 

They’ll say all of these will be in vain cause it’s just too late, but

You can turn a deaf ear and go changing fate.

 

You may try to run, act blind and simply throw this aside, but mind you,

You can never, ever hide.

Author's Note

*bites nails*
Yay to my first poem! Well, not counting the ones that i made as a requirement during my elementary years, because i can't remember them anymore. :)) As you can see, I'm really not good at playing with words (that's why I don't write poems, well, at least not until now). The poem's very straight forward. But I swear that I really, really tried my best (specially with the rhymes :">). =)) So, please comment (and be gentle! *bats eyelashes*).

P.S. I really hope this inspired you. I knooow, I'm too ambitious. HAHA.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Congrats on a very nicely made poem! :) It's got a good flow to it and walks us through sets of connections, all leading to the Earth and how if we don't alter our current course, we won't be able to hide from the effects of our misdeeds.

Thanks for sharing your creativity!
Wolfie

[emma]

definitely inspired me. it was beautifully written, every stanza just as powerful as the last. great write. hope to read more poetry from you:)

[tk]

wow! this is a really great poem! i loved the unique and creative style of this piece! this poem really shows that we can go through every obstacle in our lives. wonderfully written! keep up the good work!!

*A.A.*

[johnnyqueer]

This is really pretty! I love it.

[13ReasonsWhy]

This really tugged my heart. Beautiful.

[kurdapiaful]

FAITH ♥
very well penned :)

[Shy Girl]

It is very hard to put a slight humorous spin on the worlds problems. Yet you have given these trials in such a way, that one can't help but smile, even as you are informing us of the problem. Your effort is very good, (in my opinion) I don't think I could or am ever going to look at some of these plights of man in the same light again. You hit a good point, "You can never, ever hide." Very true thought right there. It gave the poem a clean, look in the mirror, now what, wake up feel. (without being that direct) It was a pleasure to read and I look forward to more of them. Thank you so much. :)

[Bridget Murphy]

Really good(as usual) I think this poem syas a lot. Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!:)

[Seanne Tholltree]

great job

[James Darrow]

Very well done Papa, especially for your first creative poem.

On the objective front; the poem is very direct and conveys its meaning without mincing words, broadening the appeal. The use of 'but,' at the end of the first lines of each stanza is a interesting and creative way to leave the second line open entirely to an optimistic and empowering feeling. It also gives the reader a chance to see the bleak first line and, at the end of it, think that there is a choice.

On the subjective side of things; I thoroughly enjoy the feeling that each of the second lines gives the reader. Too often are the tones of most pieces of poetry these days entirely bleak and depressing, whereas this one defies that perception.

The only thing I could really say in detriment is that some of the lines feel a bit too long, but I can simply stick that as the writer's style and overlook it. Plus, bonus points for having a stanza that I attached to...

"Depression, anger and fear have consumed the people’s hearts, but
You can be the sliver of hope that would slash these emotions apart."

Well done, keep it up. ;)

[Hoosier Belle]

This is a really well written write, expressful, nice job ♥