Constellation

Speculations in a twilight world.

Orion, I'm sick.
To you, I stare.
With your sword in hand,
And your chest bare.
Orion, I'm dying
With only you in my sight.
Orion, Orion,
Don't let me die tonight.

The night is lonely. This night is lonely. No all nights were as lonely as thing one, but this one is loneliest because I will never share it with anyone.
I have found people alright. I have given into my lust and desires, my human needs and my physical yearnings. But I've finished now. Everyone has their limits. Whether they believe that or not. Once? Not enough. Twice? Not enough. One thousand two hundred and twenty five times? Fine, I'm done.
I've live a lifetime here. If you asked me how I thought I would die, I would've told you alone as a parody of the famous "we live together, but we die alone" mantra. But never would I have thought I'd be so damn right.
What do you do when you are the only one alive? What indeed. I thought about doing something humanitarian with all the time that I had but I saw no point. I'd never appreciate what I'd done. I'd never understand what good I've done humanity. I'd be a constellation.
In this endless night, I've come to appreciate the stars. At least I expect the stars to stay relatively unchanged. It's the people that I expect to change. But alas, the stars hang there, dangling in the sky, resting in their perfect little constellations, and for a moment I am happy that they aren't dying anymore. It's a sad world. It's a dreadful world. We come into this world with only one guarantee that we will leave it one day.
Or one night, as my life is turning out.
I've never been so aware of the life around me as when there is no life around me. Only in lacking do we notice what is missing.
Look at all I've done with my time in this twilight. If I wanted to be a humanitarian, I'd first have to make up for all the selfish sadism that I am guilty of in this timeless world. I've done some really bad things. At first, I could avoid taking the blame, but it got to the point of absurdity. I indulged myself to the point where I realized indulgence was meaningless. It didn't matter. I didn't matter. I fulfilled every desire I ever had to fill a void and now I feel more empty. I have nothing better to did than look at the constellations.
My mother taught me about Orion. Three stars there, that's his belt. Easy to remember. Just like the Big Dipper. Over my life I have stopped to look up and find him. Over my life I have found him unintentional. I might wake up, step outside, look at the sky and viola. There's Orion.
Maybe the worst thing in life isn't realizing that it's meaningless. Maybe the worst thing is realizing that you will never know what the meaning was. Orion is long dead now. I only see a shadow of him. To me, he is all that I have now. But he will never know that. Sad. It's a sad world. It's a dreadful world. And that most I can hope to do is leave it.

Reviews

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I feel intense sadness here. I was breathless from beginning to end. Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking piece. :)

[Split Voices]

Thank you for reading my piece! And sorry for the sadness but I'm glad you felt strongly about it.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Don't be sorry about the sadness. That only means you did a great job! :)