Limbo

Feelings of blankness.

Let me be honest for a moment. My chest feels like it’s being crushed.

I’ve been sitting in my bed with my pen and paper in hand and I’ve been trying to figure out what to write. A lot has happened. I’ve moved. I’ve left people behind. I’ve change my name. I’ve tried to cut my hair. I’ve thrown away my belongings. I’ve ripped up pictures. I’ve burnt letters. I’ve shredded writings. I’ve crumpled up boxes. I’ve scattered everything else.

And how do I feel? Not quite empty. Not quite sad. Just blank. I just feel blank. I’ve never really been able to find someone else that understands what that means except for…anyways. I just feel numb. Like my feelings are floating on fluffy, white clouds. And every once in awhile, I can feel a black hole inside of my chest. It just suddenly inhales and I can feel my chest cave in a bit. I feel terrible right now. I don’t know why. I feel like dying. I feel like sinking into the world and just leaving. I feel like crying. Like it’s all too much. I just want to give up so badly. I always could before. I always had that as an option. But now I can’t. I can’t. If only I could.