Cleansing

The morning after the fall.

I slowly cleaned the plates in the kitchen sink. I looked at the poor reflections of her on the plate in my hands. I put the plate on the side of the sink to dry. “Rough night?” I said, chuckling a bit.

"Ya, rough night," she said. She lay on the couch, facing the balcony. The glass door was shut, but the shades were open. Sunlight beamed into the room and onto her face.

"Not worried about going blind?"

"Nope." She looked directly at the sun.

"Awesome." I cleaned off a couple more plates. The victims of over-microwaved pizza. I picked up a glass and smell it. Vodka. I filled the glass with water and scrubbed the inside of it with a sponge. I poured out the water and took a paper towel to dab away any remaining wetness. I held the glass above my eye level and looked at it in the light. Clean. I put it next to plates.
"Remember that one thing you had me write? ‘When I die,’" she leaned her head back on the couch’s armrest and looked at me.

"Vaguely, yes. Why?"

"Why that? Like, why that prompt?"

"I don’t know." I turned away from the sink to face her. I placed my hands on the counter edge behind me and leaned on it. "Maybe because it’s good to keep mortality in perspective."

"Right." She tilted her head back and look at the sun.

"For the love of. That really isn’t good for you."

"You don’t know that."

"Okay, what’s up with you?"

"Want me to write a list?"

"I want you to tell me."

"Well" She paused. "Maybe I don’t want to."

"Okay. Let’s start simple. Why were you thinking about the writing prompt?"

"You know. Just keeping my mortality in perspective."

"And now you’re mocking me."

"Oh no, I think you have a point."

"Okay…you know, a funny thing happened. Eddy called this morning. I don’t think he’s ever called us before." She tilted her head back and looked me in the eyes. "You were out cold. So anyways, he tells me he came across you last night, laying on the walkway. Ring a bell?"

She swung her legs and sat straight up on the couch. “Look, I’ve been going through…more than I fully understand. And I just…lost control for a bit and-“

"And went around the neighborhood drunk? That’s how you lost control?"

She was on the verge off saying something, but her cheeks flared up and she looked at the balcony.

"Look, I think you need some help. In the past few weeks, you’ve taken up smoking, going out to bars, drinking, and…casual killing."

"Now I need a drink." She stood up, walked passed me  and picked up the glass I cleaned. She filled the glass with some ice and vodka and went back to the couch.

I walked over and knelt down, crossing my arms on the armrest. “I am sorry.”

She chugged the contents of the glass.

"Really. I am. I shouldn’t have cheated on you. I was naive. I was…fulfill my own selfish urges. But I know better…and I also know that I don’t want to live the rest of my life with anyone else besides you-"

She crunched the ice in her mouth.

"-and I want to take care of you but you have to try to take care of yourself to."

She stood up and walked over to the sink.

"Please. Say something? I’m trying to have a serious conversation. Can’t we just-"

She slammed the glass on the counter top. Shards flew all over the kitchen. I shield my face with my hands. “I…am…NOT…fine.” She lifted up her hand, looked at it and then walked out of the apartment.

"What the…" I looked at the backs of my hands. Scratches, but nothing serious. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the mess. I got the ring case out of my pocket and contemplated it for a few minutes before throwing it away.

I didn’t realize what I missed and what was missing. As I cleaned up the shards of glass scatter around the kitchen, I didn’t think about how there should’ve been blood. As I threw the shards into the trash bin, on top of the ring case, I missed something greater. As I stormed into the bathroom and cleaned and bandaged my hands, I missed that what I assumed was a bad hangover.