Closer Today

A confession by Split Sir

I cheated on you. Simple as that. We weren’t even really together at that point, but I feel like I need to say that I cheated on you. I want to be honest. I feel like we are getting closer and closer each day. So, this is how I will help close the gap between us. How I will help us to get closer. I cheated on you.

It really wasn’t out of love. It wasn’t out of vengeance. It wasn’t because I needed to spite you. I didn’t even think I was going to tell you about it. But here it is. I felt alone. I had felt alone for a while. I was in the dark. And while you were out, caring about yourself, I saw a beacon of hope. A light at the end of the tunnel. A lamppost in the night. I went for it. I went for something that seemed stable and steady and reliable and I went for something that could pull me out of the darkness. I am a creature of the light. I am a moth attracted to fiery passion. And I found it. I found my solace outside of you. I found my haven and for a moment I felt that life was right. Light was right. And I was happy. I was stable again. I had my needs met. I had my fix. My hit. My addiction met. I was free from it.

And then the lamppost left me in the dust.

As I said, we weren’t even really together at that point. And yet I found myself living in your wake. But…I think there is an importance in escaping, although you don’t. I think that there is a human need to be free and unbounded. But…you don’t. You would rather accept the moment as it is and hope that freedom comes later. We are different. And here I am, back at square one, standing in the darkness, searching for a light.

Searching for an escape.