When I Die

More ruminations.

I gave her a new writing prompt today. Time to see what she’s done with it.

What will I miss when I die? I think I will ultimately miss people. Mostly the friends, yes, of course, but…but maybe I will miss those that weren’t my friends. Maybe even those that were the polar opposite of my friends. My enemies. I don’t know why I think that, but that’s the first thing that came to mind…that maybe, they did serve a purpose. Maybe they are worth remembering. I think it has something to do with “learn from the past so you don’t repeat it.” That sort of mentality. Like I am suppose to learn from them. Not just label them as my enemies, as my foes, but as my teachers. As my books. As my research. Because I think they have a lot to teach me. And I will not spend time to learn from them.

I will miss ice cream. Simple as that. I’m not going to get all analytical on that one because it’s pretty straight forward. I’ll miss it because it’s the only thing I can eat nonstop and I don’t think dead people eat much.

As I’m writing this, I keep questioning what I think death is…no matter.

I will miss movies. Not as simple as ice cream. Movies have been my ultimate escape. It’s better than a sensory deprivation chamber. It’s a sensory overload. My ears, filled with a booming or a musical interlude. My eyes, concentrating on the movements of characters and objects and colors on the screen. My mind, unburden from its usual circuit of self-loathing and busy developing the story, understanding someone’s vision. In death, I will not have movies. So will I only have myself? Is there not escape?

That’s the final thing I’ll miss. Just being able to escape. I mean, I know death is up on its high horse, proclaiming to be the ultimate escape, but what if it’s not? What if I’ve already found it? Because the way I see it, I am escaping. I am surrounded by a world that doesn’t change and feels dead, and yet I feel alive. And that is the ability to escape. I don’t want to be sedentary. I don’t want to be root. I want to be free. That is what I’ll miss. The freedom. To miss friends and foes. To eat pints of ice cream. To escape to the movies. The freedom to choose my own course is what death takes away from me.