Life Guarding

One day on the job for Split Sir in his earlier years.

            Now, you have to understand that it was the hottest day of the whole summer when I was there scanning over the beach. To the   right of me, there was this small group of children playing together close to the shore, you know, where the sand was wet and darkest. In the dry and lighter sand, their parents sat in the shade of some umbrellas a few yards away like a bunch of lions under a tree. And, well, the kids just did stuff that kids do. Some of them molded sand castles; some of them threw sand at the other kids. They were having a blast. The sand from their battle blew around the beach. The waves slowly came in and out. It was just a hot, slow day.

            Then I looked over the left side of my post and I saw the man, wrinkled and really old looking, lying down in the lighter sand. Now, this guy was red. He didn’t have any umbrella and it was clear that he didn’t even try to put some sun lotion on. It was just him and the sun. The lifeguard before me that day told to look for this moron. I remember actually having to stifle my laughter a bit, because I imagined how he’d be regretting his decision later. He’d be going on with his day, sunburnt to a crisp, cringing whenever he moves and thinking “Shoot, I should’ve worn some damn sunscreen.”

            But after my fit of chuckling, I was kind of captivated by this old fool. I couldn’t help watching the man  lying there, with his chest moving up and down. The waves were coming in and out at the same rhythm. He just had this look on his face like he was content or something. Like he was at one with his surroundings. The wind blew some sand onto the man and he didn’t even twitch. He was just there, and didn’t even care. Which surprised me because, under all the sand that the wind blew on him, you could actually see this guy’s skin getting redder and redder. And he made me think of the lobster that I ate the night before. His wrinkles and grey hair captured all the sand blowing on him. His arms were flat at his sides, like he was a plank of wood and trying to minimize the space he was taking up on the beach. He accepted the full rays from the hot, yellow sun.

            I forced myself to look away from the man as I heard the kids screaming. S**t, I thought, as the kids pointed out towards the ocean. I saw one of the little girls bobbing in and out of the water. I jumped down from my post and ran to the shore. The waves were crashing along the shore. “Go to your parents!” I yelled before I dove out into the water. I strove on, one arm after another, trying to catch up with the girl as she drifted further into the ocean. The girl let out a scream. The red life preserver that I brought with me was dragging me back a bit. The girl bobbed up and let out a squeal before she was taken under the water for another time. I reached in and pulled her up onto my life preserver.  The parents were on the shore, waiting for the girl’s return. One of the fathers dove into the water and approached me as I came back with the girl. “Thank you,” he began, “But I’m surprised by how far out she got…it’s lucky that you saw her when you did…” I was thinking Ya ya, I’m sorry, I should’ve been watching your family, because clearly that too much work for you. We arrived back at the shore and a crying mother came up to hug me. I shrugged it of and said it was nothing and went back to my post after making sure the girl was fine.

            I surveyed the beach again and looked for the wrinkled man. The waves were still now, not crashing on the shore or even coming in and out slowly. I looked where the man was and thought that he must have left during all of the excitement, when I saw his red, wrinkled nose sticking out of the sand like a beacon. I jumped down from my post, and the crying mother yelled her thanks again and I waved it off like it was nothing. I walked towards the man. The sand was hot under my feet in this lighter sand. I prefer the darker, wet sand on hot days like today. I stood over the man, and my shadow stood directly below me. The man’s chest was no longer going up and down. I knelt down in the hot, coarse sand, and picked up the man’s wrist. No pulse. I held his wrist in my hands and look at his skin. The smallest of sands filled the man’s pores and left his body looking exclusively red and sand beige. His skin boiled up in some places, where the burns were greatest. In a way, I thought about the life preserver that now sat at on top of my post, with its red tinge and sand-encrusted surface, covered in air bubbles. And then I saw a letter in the man’s hand.

            “Dear world,

How many nights have I sat at this bar? How many nights have I cried? How many nights have I drunk myself silly? How many nights have I wished that I died? I want to be free of all that holds me, here in this world, filled with cruelty. I have hurt so many that I love and I deserve all the hurt from the lord above. My story is too long; it would take days for me to tell it. But I remember it all, all at once, so vividly that it hurts, hurts to think. To whoever finds this, understand, that I was once a man. But mankind has forsaken me, and life is not what it should be. I need to be saved. Saved from this world. The sun above, please don’t leave me. I have been such a waste of nature and of life. Please take me back, world, and forgive my strife. My futile desire to be more than what makes me. I am like sand, insignificant alone, insignificant in mass. Please take me on and put me back in nature. I want to go home. I want to go home.”

            I read through the letter and contemplated it for a while. I looked around me and the family with kids had gone away. They had had enough of the beach for one day. The coast was clear, except for the man and me. And this is where my memory gets hazy. I mean, it was the hottest day of the summer, I saved that girl and then I read this old guy’s suicide note. I think I put letter back in his hand and dragged the man by his feet. I must have pulled him through the lighter, dry sand and into the darker, wet sand, and then into the ocean. I can still see bits and pieces of it. The man floated on the surface and the ocean began to pull him out and away from the shore. He bobbed in and out of the water for a while. Then there was this big wave that came and dunked the man into the ocean. After that, I went back to my post and kept looking out at the ocean but didn’t see the man again. I just remember thinking that the ocean had taken him in and he accepted what he was. And then I looked at the red life preserver next to me and thought about the little girl and whether it was worth it.