Grandiose

I hear it all.

The cheers.

The applause.

The woos.

As I finish a spectacular performance, worthy of a million audience, I feel the world become a little bit better, nicer even.

The blinding lights.

The screaming audiences.

I feel as if I’m drowning in fame to which I cannot blame them.

I’ve given it my all on that one.

It was a master class. A grandiose performance. I’ve put all my effort, my passion, my hard work on that and the only trade off was my vulnerability.

The heaviness of my heart, visible on my face.

The weight on my shoulders, shown with each action.

And with it all, I do not even see a problem.

They understand me now.

They know my pain.

I had hoped to connect to them through my performance and it looks like I am successful.

I was down.

I was broken.

I was scared.

I was put in a hole I cannot easily escape.

I have cried lots and I have thought myself pathetic.

But with this, with that beautiful performance, I am understood.

I have gotten the validation I ever so wanted.

I am here.

Look at me.

See me for who I am.

…

As I look up after my bow, the lights went off.

Blinded I am not anymore.

The ringing in my ears, gone.

The seats I saw were not any at all occupied.

But the performance I had put on still the same.

Even if I was the only one who knew.

Even if I was the only one who saw, who understood.

I still feel a bit better, nicer even.

‘Thank you’ I whisper and then the curtains went down.