A farewell...

“’till death do us part’, huh…” I whisper as I kneel down in front of a gravestone.

I put my hands over it and read the name written on it,

‘Eleanor Banks’

She is supposedly my wife but I’ve been drawing blanks even thinking what I would feel once I see her but in all honesty, I feel nothing, not even sadness.

Ah. That’s wrong. I feel something for her.

Pity.

‘Just like how I feel for any stranger 6-feet under’ I thought as I scan the area.

A sea of gravestones, fences to tell till which part is the graveyard and a gate for the public to enter.

That wasn’t really an encouraging first impression. I came here to see my supposed wife to which I have no memory of our time together, even how we met. In fact, I have no memory of anything before I woke up from the accident. No memory of high school, of my work, basically everything. What I know is what the visitors, my supposed family, told me when I woke up.

I sigh and decide to sit down, facing the gravestone, to enjoy what the place has to offer.

The gentle breeze brushing at my body, the sun shining down on me, the grass prickling at my skin, the soil below it and the view of thousand gravestones.

Okay. Maybe the last one was too dark but the rest should be fine. It is a strange feeling being outside after a while in the hospital after all.

“’A while’, huh?” I whisper looking down.

I was in there for a year.

A car accident that took the life of my wife and put me in comatose for a few months.

“How you holding up there Ellie?” I ask as I look up to the sky, bashful to look at her.

They told me I used to call her that and it actually feels right to my tongue.

A couple of minutes passes by with me just wondering what shape a certain cloud is and how blue the sky is and as expected, no answer came.

Although that was to be expected, it kind of saddens me.

Maybe I was too quick on my judgment. It isn’t just pity I feel.

I take a deep breath and look at her.

A picture of her smiling face, one a relative of mine has showed me before, welcomes me.

For some unknown reason, looking at it eases me and I start to talk.

“I’m just here. I’m fine I guess. Our relatives were really nice to me when I woke up. I’ve been doing therapy and all that good stuff. It’s a pain trying to get my limbs to work like they used to though. You won’t believe how hard it was to even take a step the first time I woke up. They said it was normal because my body didn’t get much exercise while I was just lying in bed. I forgot what it was called though, it was too complicated for me.” I chuckle as I explain to her.

“I heard you were a nurse. I’m sure you know what this is called. Is it normal to have these many medications though? There’s so many that I’m not even sure if I’ll remember to take them all once I get outside of the hospital. Ah, yeah. I’m not out of that place yet. The doctors saw its fine for me to visit so here I am. I told our relatives that I’ll go see you alone though, so they’re at the car waiting at the moment. Sorry, I kind of wanted to see you alone, see if I’ll be able to remember you…” I pause, hesitating to tell her that I can’t remember her.

I can’t tell it to her but something in me knows that if she is alive right now, she would know it.

Shaking my head, I get rid of the thought.

“Hey Ellie, what kind of life did we have?” I ask her what came to my mind first, trying to change the subject.

No answer.

“Ah. Sorry. That must have been an abrupt question.” I apologize, scratching my head.

“Hey what about how we met, could you tell me about that?” I ask, turning to her.

“How did I even woo you? I saw a picture of you and when I saw it I can’t believe that you, with your long blonde hair, kind face and blue eyes, coupled with that shy smile of yours, love someone like me.” I tell her, scratching my cheek.

“Ah… never mind. I remember that I saw a picture of a handsome man beside you then. Black slick hair, black eyes, a childish face but with a strict, reliable expression in the picture. I was sure I was a lady killer when I saw it. I heard you were really stern and kept me on a leash.” I let out an awkward laugh.

I’m not really sure when we started dating though so I’m not really sure how valid whatever I am saying is. I didn’t know what our ages in that picture were.

Wait.

In fact, I am not sure what my age is yet. I feel like I changed a lot from the man in the picture.

The man had a good build and his face was really different as well compared to the person I saw when I looked at the mirror recently.

I look up, just scanning through the clouds.

“Hey that kind of looked like a car and beside it is a cat. An odd combination, huh?” I excitingly point out to her.

I wait for a minute for a reaction only to realize that come it would not.

Ah… I expected a reaction. The feeling was more on instinct. I didn’t think and just said it.

I look down and massage my forehead.

“Hey Ellie, did we used to do these kinds of things?” I ask her with knitted brows.

“…just sitting down and having a picnic, looking up at the sky, laughing together, making out shapes in the clouds…” I continue, feeling a headache coming.

For some unknown reason, my mouth feels dry and my muscles are all tensed up but that didn’t stop me from asking questions.

“What about your favorite food?”

“My favorite food?”

“Our favorite past time?”

“Did we ever talk about having kids?”

“Did I ever make you cry?”

“What about me did you love?”

“What about you that I love?”

“Where did we go on our first date?”

“Did we watch a movie on that date?”

“Where did I propose to you?”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Did we drink coffee in the morning?”

“How are we paying for our taxes?”

“Did we split it or what?”

“What was our first kiss like?”

“How did we even end up on that accident?”

The barrage of questions kept on continuing. It didn’t matter if the questions were important or not. I just wanted to get answers. I was holding onto her for dear life. Cold tears flowing out of my eyes.

“What’s your favorite bag?”

“Did I ever tell you how much I miss you every day?”

“Did I kiss you goodbye every day?”

“What restaurant do we usually eat at?”

“What drinks did we love best drinking together?”

“Did we ever had a pet?”

“Did I cook?”

“Did we usually order take out?”

“Did your parents like me when they first saw me?”

I suddenly feel a hand on my back and gentle voice.

“Let’s go now.” It said.

I can only nod as I stand up, rubbing my eyes, and look away from her.

As I walk away from her, a realization dawned on me. It wasn’t just pity I felt, not even just uneasiness, close to her, I felt being embraced, being reassured. I felt like I could trust everything she would say.

That night, I had a dream.

It was a big house, probably our house.

At the doorstep, I saw her wearing a beautiful white dress that accentuates her curves, her hair on a type of braid I can’t identify, and the shy smile I see on pictures on her face as she waves farewell-like at me.

I tried to call out to her.

I tried to reach out to her.

I really tried my best to get to her.

I felt like I was running so fast but it’s taking me forever to get close to her.

And at last, when I was a fingertip away from her that when I was about to touch her, I wake up with tears in my eyes.

These tears.

This pain I am feeling in my chest right now.

I feel like my heart is being squeezed dry.

Confusion, frustration, loneliness and plenty more feelings I can’t name swirl all around me, hitting me all at once.

It was her way of saying good bye.

A good bye we both never had the chance to say.

Author's Note

Any comments would be appreciated!

Reviews

[Rebecca Church]

A beautiful story, and interesting take on the old trope of a character visiting a loved ones grave.. No memory of their time together, but wanting to know about it, wanting to remember, but it not coming back. It always hurts to say goodbye. Even more so when you don't remember the one you want to say goodbye to. A great story, keep at it.

[Moper]

Thank you!

[Tsubaki Kuro]

Wow. This is really, really good. It has great dialogue. This hit me with feels. Great job.

[Whisty_x]

This is such a powerful story. I love how you gradually come to realise where you are and the situation, it hasn't all been written with all the information given to you straight away. I also love the fact that you don't describe the accident and his current appearance or age as it gives the reader something to take away and think about. In my mind this man was in his 60's and so he has lost his whole life, but i'm sure they were completely different in other people's mind.

The only thing I would say is be careful with your tenses and make sure to check through your spelling.

Other than that, well done and keep going! x

[Moper]

Thank you! I'll try and proofread my next stories carefully.

[Norint]

I like how you narrate this story. It makes the whole thing come to life in my head.

[Moper]

Thank you! I try my best to be as descriptive as I possibly can.

[GrandDystopia]

Got to say this but I loved your dialogue, had a great sense of tone and weight to it. Also thought that you treated the subject of loss and greif in a way that I've rarely seen so you get many awesome points for that! Only problem for me was that it dragged a little but it wasn't massive problem, still very much enjoyed reading this!

[Moper]

Thank you!

[Blood Stained Inu]

This is a lovely yet sad story... It speaks volumes yet barely says anything... The pain of losing someone so very dear to you...it is not something to take lightly and I feel you captured this very well in your writing... I'd love to see more like this...

[Moper]

Thank you for reading! I'll try my best with the next stories.