Unexpected

‘This wouldn’t work out.’

'What am I even doing?’

'Why did I do this?’

’…….’

Looking down, these thoughts swirl around my head. Greatly taking me to a path down nervousness and fear.

“….umm…”

I think I heard something, I prompt myself to look up and look forward. It is as if her words is a defibrillator, my dead heart was revived and seems to be beating faster and faster by the second.

As I did so, I come face-to-face with her. Standing straight with black hair flowing down to her back and wearing the school uniform of white blouse and black skirt that reaches up to her knees is Megumi.

She doesn’t usually stand this straight which makes her nervousness a little evident.

Though she looks at me wide-eyed from what I just said, she was still looking at me, facing me, unlike the person who actually said something.

'Damn. I’m pathetic. Get a grip me’ I scold myself.

“…”

I try to say something but my mouth just opens and closes without any words coming out.

'Alright… I became totally mute for the time being.’

Seconds pass. Minutes pass. Hours pass. Days pass. Months pass. Years pass and still nothing. It’s an overstatement but it really feels like a long time. We are just staring at each other. Both nervous. Both uneasy. Both scared. Both embarrassed.

Unsure of what we both need to say to destroy this atmosphere, we just stare at each other hoping something would happen.

A gentle breeze. Hotter than the average afternoon for this time. A dog barking outside. Sound of high school students playing around and screaming on the school grounds.

'Yup. I can’t believe the environment would magically help us, more specifically me.’

I know. Let’s think of some happy thoughts to fill the gap of silence.

'I should first think of some happy thoughts.’

’……………………’

'Yup. This is not helping as well.’

Giving up on all hope, I breathe out.

'I was holding my breath this whole time? I might have set a world record’ I think as I gather my resolve.

I was never sure of this to begin with anyways. I just thought that this would be the last chance to do so. Maybe not. I at least wanted to think that this is the last. Everything either goes on or stop after this part of my life. High school was fun, eh? Being friends was fun. It was fun while it lasted. Sometimes, things just don’t go the way you want it. This must be one of it.

Thinking these I try to speak. Getting ready to say sorry to have sprung this out of nowhere. I relax and move back a little

“…….” I again open my mouth but no words came out.

'Nice me. You so reliable.’

Strengthening my previous resolve with sarcasm, I again open my mouth to say something.

“…y” I hear her speak something.

Surprised I look at her. My strengthened resolve diminishing.

'Damn. This might become a staring contest again.’

As I think this, I want to say something but I got curious to what she had said so I continue to stand and stare at her. Years have passed after all just to hear her say something.

Seeing my surprised look might have enticed her to go on.

'Wow… my surprised look entices people to speak up? I should wear it more.’

“sorry.” she said.

It was small. It was weak. It was fragile. It was just one word. That one word. It crushed me. I was sure of it already but to actually hear it. My heart stopped there for a moment. They say that when you experience a surprise or fall in love or something of that sort, your heart skips a beat.

Yeah. I guess that’s true.

As I try to get a hold of myself. I call out to her.

“M-megu.” I try to speak.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” She continues looking dejected.

'Seems she can’t hear me but maaaaan. That was a line I didn’t really want to hear. Never thought I’d hear this famous line from her.’

I’m not saying that I don’t want to hear her reasons but that statement especially sounds like the biggest, fakest excuse to me. If you don’t feel the same way as I do, you might as well just tell me outright. Why dress it up pretty?

“You don’t have to continue.” giving a light smile to hide my bitterness.

“N-no. I think you have to hear this.” She said.

'Oh… so she can hear me?’

“You might have thought of that as just an excuse…” she said, hanging her head down.

'Is she psychic? She can read my thoughts?!’ I think, surprised.

“b-but…” she tries to continue but struggles, playing with her fingers.

I really want to stop her now. I don’t think I can actually hear more of this. I just want to go home and cry. Regret this forever and live an isolated life away from the living.

“…….”

Her struggle for words seems to continue as she can’t express her feelings fully. Her eyes travel from up and down, left to right but seems to be dodging me all together. This made me sad.

'Did I sound creepy? Did I sound disgusting? Oh my… DO I LOOK DISGUSTING?!’

My world is crumbling. I really want to go now but I’m not that rude. I said my part, the least I could do is hear hers, right?

'Maybe she doesn’t want me to hear it?’

As that realization dawned on me, I thought that maybe I should just really go now. I don’t want her to have a hard time trying to explain to me how ugly and creepy I am in a nice way.

“I-I see…” I said, slumping my shoulders and looking as depressed as possible.

“I-I’m sorry to have sprung this on you out of nowhere. I’ll get goi…”

As I was about to say my goodbye, she moves quickly towards me and wraps herself around me.

“errr….I-Is this how you say good bye after a confession?” I said aloud without thinking.

'Damn. That slipped.’

“I-I’m not saying I don’t like you but…” She says as she buries her face on my chest.

'Is this normal!?’ I think, starting to feel anxious.

“e-er…. M-megu?” I take hold of her shoulders and try to pull her away from me.

She shakes her head, refusing to budge.

“ughh… okay?” I said, confused.

'Damn… that slipped again.’

“M-megu… you should remember we’re in school… we might get punished or something you know?” I said, looking everywhere except her.

‘What is this? What’s this smell? Dandelion? Does dandelions have any smell anyways? Wait, did I ever even smell a dandelion before. S**t. I’m losing my senses. I need to get a hold of myself.’

“Ehem…” I let out, clearing my throat to get her attention and notice the situation.

She still refuses to move away.

'I’m not as dense as some people out there, but I really thought I was going to hear how fugly and creepy I am… only in a nice way.’

She looks up at me and we make eye contact.

I find the action rather cute even if she looks like she will burst into tears any second now.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I’m just…. afraid.” she speaks the last word weakly.

“W-why?” I managed to say.

'Whoa. I’m amazed at how I even managed to say why in this situation. I’m dying of nervousness in this position. I might actually be good at these kind of situations.’

Trying to forget my embarrassment with my sad monologues, I try and ignore the situation.

“Y-you see… I….” Seemingly reluctant to continue the sentence, she buries her face on my chest again.

'Whoa woman! Stop this nonsense and just continue. My heart is beating like crazy now with what you are doing’

“I’m happy.” I suddenly hear her say.

'Then why did you even say sorry in the first place?!….. Wait… am I not getting rejected?’

“I’m really happy… but I’m sorry….” she says. Her shoulders slumping, weakening her hold a little.

'Huh? What? Am I getting rejected or not?! Make up your mind. You really know how to make a guy scared and nervous.’

“I-I don’t think I’m the right person for you. I have a lot of flaws that nobody knows. I’m not reliable. I don’t even think I can act as a girlfriend or something like that…….” She speaks up, her shoulders shaking.

I don’t know what came over me but for some unknown reason, I hug her back. For all those times, she was the only one hugging me. I got so tense the moment she hugged me that I forgot to relax, even move a finger.

The moment my hands wrap around her, she gasp. At that moment as well, I feel complete, at least the hug did. Her warmth in my arms. Her scent. The way her hair tickles my nose a little. It is as if a hug wouldn’t be called a hug unless they both accept each other and by doing so it is a sign of acceptance. That kind of feeling. It feels really vague if I try to explain it.

I don’t think knowing those superficial things would stop me from liking her. I knew that if I would confess to her, I need to be sure that I would like her for who she really is. I want to know more about her and I want her to like me back.

I wonder if my thoughts reached her. Seeing that she accepts my hug wholeheartedly like this, I’d like to believe so.

'Wait… I think we’re doing this wrong… Wasn’t I going to get rejected? Oh well…All’s well, ends well.’

I feel like I spelled that wrong in my mind.

For some time we just stay there hugging each other.

'I wonder if a year has passed already. We could have set a world record if that was the case?’

….

'Yup… this is getting uncomfortable. How long do these stuff usually last? The first few minutes was nice but staying for too long feels wrong? Is it because I still feel doubtful about all these? That or maybe this is not real and I am already hallucinating on the way home or dreaming in my sleep. I wonder if I got hit by a car on the way home and I am on a coma at the moment. Well that killed my mood. I feel depress for some reason.’

“Ehem…” I once again let out to get her attention.

“Ah… haha.” realizing what kind of situation we’ve been in a while, she pulls away and lets out a small laugh.

Oddly enough, her teary-eyed face a while ago is gone now.

'Is it really that odd? I’d rather see her smiling than that. Damn it…. I should stop thinking too much’

“S-so….?” I try and lead. “D-does this mean….”

“I-If you’re fine with me… I’m not really sure I’m going to be able to act to your liking. I don’t think I’d be able to be the perfect girlfriend as well… even so… I-I think I want to be your…. g-girlfriend…” as she says those last words, she spoke weakly and hangs her head.

'Wow. That’s so cute.’

“You know… I’m going to be honest… Don’t think about being the best or being perfect. I like you because of who you are… Surely there are a lot of things I don’t know about you but I c-confessed knowing that… I want to know you more. I want to be with you…. and… I think I want to see you smile and not just that…. I want to be the reason for it.”

'Whoa. That’s cheesy… and the cheesiest award goes to………’

Hearing what I said, she beams a smile and suddenly hugs me, burying her face on my chest again.

“Thank you.” She said.

'Goddamn it woman. Don’t surprise me like that.’

She lets go after a few seconds or so, but is that normal? When in a relationship, you get hugs a lot?

'Well, whatever. I kind of like the feeling anyways.’

“Let’s go home.” I said as I take my bag and head towards the door.

“H-hey… why are you leaving me behind?” she briskly follows behind me, pouting.

'O-oh right… there’s a code to this…. do we hold hands or something? Doubt it, but I’m sure it includes waiting for her and stuff.’

Seeing my confused look, she smiles and takes hold of my hand.

“Let’s go home.” she says, smiling broadly.

'I wonder if I’m in a coma right now.’

'What happened?’

'Whoa. Really? I have a girlfriend now? That’s awesome.’

'ughh… I really hope I am not dreaming right now….’

As these thoughts come and go through my mind, we continue to walk the path towards home.

Author's Note

Having hard time to write last and this month. I'll start with a recycled story I wrote in my blog. I revised it a little. Any comments would be appreciated!