Mistakes

A Story by Moper

fanfic ft. Marika from Nisekoi might be ooc, but she was the one I had in mind while I was writing it. **character used belongs to its respective owners

“I think we should take some time off.” She said. A serious look on her face.

Oh great. She just had to say it like that. Why can’t she just be direct and say she want to break up?

After the nonsensical fights over misunderstandings and how we both look like we’re losing interest in the relationship, I can’t really say I’m that surprised. In all honesty, it was only a matter of time really. That said, when she slapped me on face with it, it made me felt like s**t.

Was I the main reason that this has happened? Maybe.

Am I the only one at fault? Most certainly not.

“You know the reason, right?” She asked me with clenched fists.

Misunderstandings. Disinterest. Basically these two.

Even knowing the answer, I stayed quiet and just continued to stare at her.

Her eyes showed determination to do this, yet it also had some melancholy on it.

I’ve been with her for a full year and a half already, I understand that she doesn’t want to do this. That for some miracle, I would stop her. That I would comfort her. Tell her it’s going to be alright. That we can fix this.

Ah. Maybe that’s why she said it like that.

Unfortunately, I doubt my own feelings. I don’t really know how I feel. I was sure I want out a moment and in the next, I don’t. I can’t completely say I don’t love her anymore. It’s more of just I’m unsure of this love I feel for her.

Is this the same love I felt for her a year ago?

That’s wrong. I actually believe it is but it just has weakened. It’s like the “fire” is burning out.

“Are you just going to stay quiet there?” She asked, gritting her teeth and closing the distance between us.

With her shoulders quivering, she looked up at me with contempt.

Am I?

What does she even want me to say?

That I really want out.

That I’m not sure about her anymore.

That maybe, just maybe, I already fell out of love with her.

These words would just hurt her and she’s already hurting without me speaking, why add some more pain in the mix? I have a feeling if I don’t say anything, she’d still understand what I want to say. At least that way, it won’t hurt that much, right?

“This is so frustrating! Talk! Say something! Can’t you see!? I want to salvage what we have!” She screamed, flailing her hands. Her face red from anger.

“Why aren’t you even trying? Do you really want this?” she asked.

Was she testing me with what she said at the start? Pfft. Alright. This is what she wants.

I breathe out and feel my shoulders relax with the action. This made me realize how tense I was actually feeling from this.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked her, scratching my head. My voice cold.

Her shoulders flinch as I spoke with that tone. I ignore it and continue speaking.

“Do you want me to beg you to not do this? Do you want me to stop you? Honestly, I don’t see any reason to stop you right now.” I told her with a scoff.

As the words leave my mouth, her figure seems to have shrunk. Her anger a while ago seems to have quickly been replaced by hurt and surprise. The words I just let out contained poison. They aren’t nice. They aren’t comforting. They are meant to hurt. They are meant to mock.

Mock who? Her? No. It’s to mock the relationship we have now. As of right now, this relationship isn’t what it was before and I thought I already knew this would happen one day that I was ready to either avoid it at best or fix it as it come. Now that it actually happened, I’m unsure of actually how to repair it, to salvage this as what she has been saying.

“Tell me. For what? Save this relationship for what?” I asked. I’m probably being a jerk right now by putting her on the spot but if she still wants to save this relationship, she probably has a good reason to do so.

In reality, I’m really thankful that she’s trying but what she’s doing won’t fix anything. I don’t want this as well but she’s just being optimistic. She always have been like this. I like her optimism. Really, I do. It’s a strong point of her that I love but being an optimist won’t do us good here. We have to look at it in a practical way. See the relationship as it is right now. A dying one.

Even if I stop her now, nothing would come out of it. Sure we might be happy for a short while but we would have the same problems. It’s just ignoring the problems that’s actually destroying the relationship. Sooner or later, we’d just be back here and I don’t want that. Not for me and especially not for her. I wouldn’t say I deserve better as she already is the best girl anybody, including me, can get, but she sure damn deserve a better guy as I can’t admit, even to myself, that I’m the best guy in the world.

“aah…t"” She stammered and proceeded to play with her fingers as she thinks of probably her reason.

My sudden inquiry should prompt her to think deeper about this which I’m grateful for. I don’t want her spouting some nonsense for a reason. That’d just irritate me. In the meantime, I stare and look at her figure, taking in her features that I’ve grown accustomed to.

Her slender body with fair skin color. Her orange hair that she keeps short but with two long strands hanging to the side of her head. I’ve always found her hair pretty even if it’s a little unnatural. Her kind face coupled with her adorable and easy-to-read expressions. I’ve always thought she’s cute.

Ah. It’d be sad to leave her. I don’t think there’s any other girl better than her after all. If I were to describe what kind of girl she is, a keeper would be the best word to use.

One might ask, why do you want to leave her then?

I chuckle at the thought.

I’m not stupid. I shouldn’t, wouldn’t if possible, let her go. As it is now though, I’m not sure what kind of relationship we have. It’s shallow right now, too shallow. Too much insecurities. Too little trust. Too li".

Ah right, it’s supposed to be a romantic one.

Nothing that should include the amount of fights we have. The number of arguments we get into. The mistrust. The anxiety. I can go on and on with this but there’s no reason to.

I’m probably gambling right now. This is what I mean when I think of “I want out one moment and then in another, I don’t.” I don’t want to lose her but in the same way, if there’s no change in our relationship, we’d just end up hurting each other in the long run. I don’t want more nonsensical fights. More arguments over the smallest things. It’s too pain".

“Lo…ve” She stammered as she spoke, breaking my line of thought.

“Love.” She repeated more clearly, putting a hand over her chest. Kind of like a gesture from a stage show. “I love you. Isn’t that reason enough to stay together?”

Heh. It’s nice that we still feel the same way towards each other. But,

“No.” I said, frowning. “If love is enough then we probably wouldn’t be going through this right now. If love is enough then we won’t be fighting most of the time. If love is enough then we d". Never mind. This isn’t working out.”

She looks at me with tears in her eyes. Something in her broke once I finished what I just said. Those tears are evidence of it. It makes me wonder why she can’t just walk away from this after what I just said. I think what I said is already a cue that I’m not worth it, not worth her.

“We can work it out.” She said, shaking her head and reaching for my hand. “Why don’t you think so?” she asked, looking up at me.

“You see Mari, I actually believe we can work it out. The important question is how we are going to work it out as I am unsure if I can continue to deal with the pain that comes with it.” I told her.

“Actually, I’m amazed at you. Are you not tired of this? Are you not proposing this because you’re tired of it? How are you even able to deal with so much pain? Why are you even trying to salvage this? I can assure you, you’d find a much better guy than me so why are you even trying to stick with me?” I stated.

“It’s not what you think…” she trailed off, looking down.

I raise an eyebrow at what she said.

“I believe that our love can transcend this. That our love can fix it. I don’t know how but I believe it can. That one day, these questions we have, this pain we feel… it will all be answered. I believe that one day, we’d look at this and be able laugh it off. That… that… this love… is worth it all.” She explained, tears flowing down her cheeks.

Maybe she’s right.

Maybe love is like that.

That maybe, the pain is worth it.

That there is light at the end of the tunnel and that this is just a phase.

That love transcends everything.

It might not be so bad to think of it like that.

Alas, I can’t bring myself to think that. That is why I believe I’m not the best guy for her. I can’t bring myself to believe in her ideals. Her beautiful, child-like ideals. I might actually be the immature one. No. I definitely am. I can’t be mature enough to believe in her. To believe in what she sees.

I kiss her on the forehead and wipe away her tears.

“If you’re unwilling to end it,” I started and looked into her eyes. “then I will do it for you.” I said with a small smile.

I release my hand from her grasp.

Unable to look at her expression, I turn away and said.

“Good bye Mari.”

I’m stupid to have done this but I believe this is the best.

For me? No. For her.

I don’t deserve her and she doesn’t deserve this kind of shallow relationship.

I truly wish I could have believed love is enough to fix this.

I hear her sob and feel my heart hurt.

I want to turn around and hug you, to comfort you but I won’t do that.

This is my cue to walk away and I do so.

Don’t worry Mari. It would take some time to get over it, but you’ll be able to do it. You’re strong enough for that. As for me… I wonder

“Good bye…” I whisper as I feel cold tears run down my cheeks.

© 2016 Moper

Author's Note

if possible, please ignore that it doesn't have a setting.

Any other comments would be appreciated.

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Reviews

Cy!

Omigosh I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW. Does that sound weird? Like I want you to be my Bff forever. I love this story, and I can feel the pain that comes with it. I would love to write a story with you, if you're interested. I saw that you love anime( as I do) and any anime lover is a homie of mine. This sad broken love story fills me with sadness for the character. (you didn't give him a name) I feel that anime sort of brings out the emotion in writing, because anime tends to me that way. But anyway, GREAT story and friend meh sometime. ;)