This Far

Simply my thoughts this morning..

You’ve made it this far,

Through time and space and pain.

You’ve felt it, and you’ve grown.

But of course, you’ve felt the growing pains,

Oh, how they tear you limb from limb.

And mother never taught you how to feel,

Without feeling everything.

You’ve built up this wall inside of you so that nobody can tear it down,

But oh, how frightened you were, when you saw them jumping over it.

So, you tried to deal with the intruders, they can’t hurt you if you never let them in,

But they had knives with pointy edges and suddenly they were in.

And you were out, out of time, out of healing.

So, you bled out onto to the pavement and watched as the intruders swam in your blood.

You’ve made it this far, you’ve survived this far.

But you never thought you’d have to decide if you want to keep on surviving.

And now you’re wishing that mother had taught you how to pick and choose the pain.

I want to feel, I want to feel without feeling everything.

Why does every movement have to hurt so bad, why does every twinkle in my eye overcome me?

How have I made it this far? How can I make it further?

When the wheels that are turning me are worn down,

My walls are but bricks on the pavement, waiting to be stepped over, turning me to ash.

How do I live a life without feeling all the things that demand to be felt?

 

I’ve come this far,

Here comes further.