No More Apologies

And I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

Sorry merely for not living up to the potential that I know I could be,

Clearly knowing I could be something much more than what I am, I cannot figure out who that person is.

And I’m sorry for the stupid s**t I do, even though I know it’s stupid and choose to do it anyways.

I’m careless, I’m reckless, I don’t think before I do.  

And I’m so sorry if any of this has taken a toll on you.

Figuring me out is a certain type of hell,

Figuring me out is like trying to differentiate tears from rain during a storm.

I can’t even figure myself out; so no I do not blame anyone for giving up easily when it comes to me.

I am a puzzle piece that has been put inside of the wrong box, forever trying to fit the picture, but never quite making it in.

And I’m sorry if you cannot understand the person that is me, I’m sorry that I don’t even understand her.

But despite the confusion and the apologies, I guess I can say that I’m less sorry than I used to be.

F**k being sorry, f**k being the one who always throws out the first apology.

No, I’m not sorry.

I can’t apologize for the puzzle piece that I am.

I was put into the wrong box for a reason, because I was born for adventures.

I was born the be outside the box, and I cannot apologize for the fact that you cannot understand who it is that I am.

I was not born to be understood. I was born to be loved; and if being loved is being understood then I will never truly be loved.

Because I believe to understand, you must love first.

And understanding me is like trying to differentiate tears from rain in a storm, but maybe the tears only lasted for a moment and the storm passed, and you don’t need to understand me.

Hell I don’t even need to understand me.

I’m not sorry for being careless, I’m not sorry for being reckless, I’m sorry to all of the people in the world who have forgotten how to be those things and instead live a life afraid of their own reflection, looking into a mirror, fearing that the fragile glass might break..

I will not apologize for the person I am today, that person fought to become me.

And me is confusing, and life is confusing. And I think I like that it is confusing.

What is life without a challenge? Nothing worth living or fighting for.

So before you try to understand me; please remember that I cannot be understood.

And instead, love me, show me compassion.

And I can promise you, though I do not yet understand myself, I can understand another person’s heart better than anything else in the world.

Show me your heart, and I’ll show you my misplaced puzzle piece that you probably found in the wrong box.

I’m done being sorry.