To: Another Ex Boyfriend

A Chapter by Paige

To: Another Ex-Boyfriend,

You'll probably never read this. I know that, because you want absolutely nothing to do with me. And I'm sorry about that. I could go into every detail of our relationship, but that's not what I'm trying to do here. I want you to know that I did have a wonderful time with you. I think that maybe, had we met later in life, we would be together now and very, very, happy. So thank you, for introducing me great music, great art, great people. Thank you for showing me the time of my young, teenage life.

But I also wanted to let you know how badly you hurt me. Each time we fought because you didn't trust me, a little piece of me broke. Each time you forced me into something I knew I wouldn't enjoy, a piece of me started to hate you. It wasn't until you hurt me physically that I let it explode. And that's why we aren't together now. I know now that you didn't mean to do that. I know now that you still did love me, but it was momentary impairment and lapse of judgement that made you do it. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I forgive you. For everything. For anything.

I really wanted to thank you as well, for making me the person that I am today. I doubt that I would be anywhere near as mature, stylish, and talented as I am without having you to push me and help me.

To be honest, I still think about you. But I guess that's not difficult to believe, I mean, we do work together after all. I'm really sorry about that, by the way. I didn't realize that you still worked at the Answering Service, and when I realized you did, I had this crazy idea that maybe we could be friends. That's all I want. Is for us to be friends. I think I remember the last time we spoke. It involved adderall, or maybe the Souderton Park. But I don't think that anything bad happened. So I'm curious. Why is it that you decided you wanted nothing to do with me anymore? I really thought that the whole 'friends' thing could work out.

We have a lot of mutual friends, and they all tell me how they totally understand why we were dating. Apparently we're both the 'smart ones', we're both very intelligent, and creative. We even like the same foods (I was just telling our one friend, Ryan about how much I love falafel when you mentioned that was what was in your lunch that day). I think we could be excellent friends.

I guess I'd like to let you in on things I never told you now. Well, one thing. It wasn't long after we broke up that I started feeling really strange. Not just emotionally, but physically. Do you remember how we always talked about having a beautiful little baby girl? Well, we might have done that. I was pregnant. It was the most terrifying moment of my life when I realized that I was pregnant with your baby. The most terrifying moment, up until the night before I planned to tell everyone.

Miscarriage.

I died from all of the tears. Sure, I never planned to get pregnant as a young teenager, but it was no question once I knew that I would keep the baby. I guess sometimes you're not the one to make that decision. I just thought that I would let you know now. She would have been due around May, I think. Maybe the two of you would have had the same birthday.

I hope that doesn't hurt you as badly as it used to hurt me. It still does sometimes. I think it would have been easier if I had you to talk to about it, not necessarily that we were together while it happened, but just knowing that I had your support would have been helpful.

So what now? I know that you were always worried that I was lying to you, and I was with another boy, but I'll let you know now, for extra security, I never was. I loved you too much to ever want to hurt you.

And now I would like to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so dramatic and childish sometimes. I'm sorry that I craved so much attention from you. I'm sorry about everything that I ever did wrong while we were in a relationship. I know that I made some serious mistakes. I also wanted to apologize for holding such a grudge and hating you so badly after we ended everything. But I hold no grudges now, I think that we're two respectable people who deserve great things and loads of happiness.

I hope that you love your girlfriend. I never really knew much about the girl and to be honest, I still don't. But I hope that she makes you happy and the two of you are sharing a great life together (with Ollie? Seriously, what happened to the cat?). I hope that, maybe in time, you will be able to forgive me as I have forgiven you. Both of us have made some awful mistakes, and though they may have ruined what chance we had at love, I don't think that they should destroy a bond between friends.

If you find it in you to forgive me, and you decide that JUST MAYBE, you would like to give being friends a try. You know where to find me. Chances are, if we're at work, I'm within ten feet of you, so just give a holler.

Always,

Paige Geneva

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