Watching Over Me

A descriptive essay I wrote for my English class.

The sweltering summer sun illuminates the playground in excess, beating its blazing rays into the porcelain skin clearly stretched smoothly over Kylee’s reddening face by nothing less than the hand of God. Lush, chocolate-brown hair curls just below her narrow, hunched shoulders while delicate strands frame her beautifully-sculpted face by adhere to perspiration. Her expression is one that leaves your mind far from at ease. Curiosity takes its tightest grip on your neck, straining it in the direction of the little girl no older than five years old. Her tiny body is fitted neatly into the corner of the old, rusted fence surrounding the playground, her skinny legs folded beneath her. You try to ignore the intense drawing to her you are feeling, but nothing seems to do. You look around, trying to distract yourself with the laughing children playing happily around you, but that just gives the curiosity more strength because you begin to wonder why this beautiful little girl is sitting alone and not with the rest of them.

This next stage is what started actually forced my legs into motion towards her. She surreptitiously peered up from her steady stare down to the heat-baked sand she sat upon, and looked up toward the other children. Her eyebrows rise as if she just discovered something. She reaches for the long, slender stick lying beside her left leg and draws a single line in the sand then resumes her downward gaze.

Questions flood my mind as I begin to approach her. I feel a knot begin to form in my chest. Why my nerves were acting up, I did not know, but something I also did not know was that I was about to experience the most precious, heartbreaking moments of my life.

My scuffed, dirtied sneakers finally meet the little girl’s downward gaze. I saw her fierce, blue eyes move up my leg until she could not see any higher without moving her head. I took my time to slowly crouch down next, discovering just how violently hot the sand was. My grimace subsided as I made myself comfortable next to her, crossing legs out in front of me.

“Hi, there. I’m Miss Caitlin.” I say to her, her face still looking at the ground, random strings of sodden hair needlessly blocking a portion of her vision.

“I know” she stated softly and slowly looked up at me. She raised the stick that still hand its place in her little hand and pointed to my name tag. All the summer camp counselors had to wear them.

“Oh,” I say, “I didn’t realize you could read.”

She curtly nods her head.

“May I ask why you’re sitting here all alone rather than playing with your friends?”

No answer. Her eyes shoot back to the place in the sand where she drew the line.

A yellow butterfly fluttered by with such grace and elegance. Just as I was beginning to think that I was going to have no luck communicating with the girl, her head shot up to the butterfly flying with ease in the static air. A large smile completed her face as she dug the stick into the sand to draw another line.

“That was a pretty one,” she said.

I smiled, happy to see her pleased, “It sure was. Why are you counting butterflies?”

She raised her head up to look at me again, this time in the eye. She brushed the wet hair that interfered with her beautiful face to see me clearer.

She said, “Butterflies are my favorite. Daddy knew it too. He told me before he wents to the war that he’d always be with me. He said since he couldn’t be right next to me all of the time, he’d send angels to look over me. He telled me that whenever I sees a butterfly, it is him watching over me. And I wants to remember how many times he comes to visit.”

By this time I was crying. Emotions flooded me, taking the form of tears while children still laughed madly about the playground.

“So that’s why you’re sitting all alone? To count how many times Daddy comes to see you?”

“Yes,” she beamed a smile up at me, looking more beautiful than ever.

Reviews

[anneliese]

i really liked this peice. i could see what you were doing perfectly. there is just a few suggestions i would like to make to help it flow a bit better.

"You try to ignore the intense drawing to her you are feeling, but nothing seems to do."
i would change it to "You try to ignore the intense feeling of being drawn to her, but . . ."

"but that just gives the curiosity more strength because you begin to wonder"
and this too "more strength. You begin to wonder . . ."

"I did not know, but something I also did not know was that I was about to experience"
and this to "I did not know. I also did not know . . ."

"She said, "Butterflies are my favorite. Daddy knew . . .""
and this to ""Butterflies are my favorite." she said. "Daddy knew . . . "

i also felt that the begining of this peice didn't quite attach itself to the rest of it and that the different point of view was confusing. these are only my opinions, take them or leave them.