(*shakes head in disbelief*) I never thought that after 15 years you would come back for me. Really. Who would have thought? You leave my mother alone and pregnant. What were you thinking? Im not one to hold grudges, but this is defiantly an exception.
You know, I didn’t even know you were still alive. That’s what Mom made me believe anyway. She told that you died before I was born. I remember when she told me that. (*looks to the side remembering*) She was staring at something behind me the whole time. It was as if she were rehearsing what she was going to tell me, as if I wasn’t there. The blood drained from her face when I asked her how you died. I can still see her face in my mind. That picture will remain there forever, just like you promised that you would stay with her forever.
I’ve always been curious. I mean, didn’t I have a right to be? Mommy never ended up telling me your cause of death. What was I supposed to think? So (*guilty pause*) I did some digging.
Mommy had to get a second job because our landlord raised the rent. (*frustrated*) It really would have helped if you were around. She wouldn’t be home till eight o clock and I took that to my advantage. I went into her closet and found a box full of books. As I said before, I am curious. I opened one. They were diaries. (*pleading innocence*) I knew it was wrong but after seeing the date May 6, 1991, seven months before I was born, I couldn’t stop myself from reading.
That’s how I found out that you left. (*rolls eyes*) Apparently you couldn’t find a way to warm your cold feet.
I was reading faster than I knew I had the ability to do. All these new discoveries. All the truths I had no idea of. It was when I read that on the first of every month Mommy found $300 from you in her mail box in an envelope with no return address that I heard the key turn in the door to our apartment.(*widens eyes*)
I didn’t have time to put everything exactly as I found it because I would have been caught for sure, but I did manage to get away with it.
I couldn’t sleep for the whole week leading up to the first of the next month. I couldn’t believe it. I actually do have a father. There is a man out there (*emphasize*) alive that is my Dad. It was the greatest and most stressful feeling I have ever felt. It was great to know that he was alive but awful to know that he isn’t here.
Every day I would sit and watch out the window of our tiny apartment at the cars that come and go from the parking lot. I kept telling myself that it was stupid to spend my time like that. Looking for a man that left my mother at such a horrible time and hasn’t come seen me my entire life. Still, I couldn’t help myself. What if he had a good reason to leave? Was that even possible? I had so many questions. So many questions that would probably never be answered.
That black Camry. Every day it was parked right outside our apartment that was on the first floor. It sat there from four until seven o clock, a hour before Mommy got home from work. I couldn’t see the driver because of the tinted windows, but I had faith that it was him. My Daddy looking out for me.
Nervousness was jolting in my stomach on the first of November. I waiting for my Daddy to step out of that black car with an envelope and put it in our mail box.
The wrestling in my body was unbelievable when the car pulled up. I didn’t take my eyes off that car for two whole hours. I was so excited even though I tried the not to be. Lets face it. The odds of that being my Dad were pretty slim.
At exactly seven o clock the car door opened. It all seemed to be in slow motion. I see a black shoe, polished so well that the sun reflected off of it. I see black pants lacking a single wrinkle. I see a head rise over the door. Brown hair. The same shade as mine. Sun glasses tinted as dark as his car windows shielded his eyes. An envelope in his pale hand.
I realized I was shaking. Something overcame me. I ran out the door and stopped five feet away from business like dressed man. I stared with disbelief at his broad shoulders, distinguished chin, prominent lips.
He said my name. “Evelyn?”
I managed to answer “Yes?”
My legs gave out then and the next thing I remember was waking up in my bed with a folded piece of paper in my hand.
The letter inside said “I hope you are feeling better. I would like to take you somewhere Friday if you would like. I have cleared it with your mother. I understand if you don’t want to, but I would love it if you would. Just come to my car at four if you want to. Love, Dad.”
I wouldn’t have believed that anything that I thought happened did in fact happen if it weren’t for the note. The end of the letter astounded me for some reason. “Love, Dad.” That was something that I never heard before.
I was so excited to go with you Friday. I had all my questions memorized in my head and rehearsed asking them. I wasn’t about to act like everything was fine. After all you’ve done I couldn’t just let you off the hook. I was so angry with you.
Friday finally came and so did your black Camry. Nervousness shook me like it never has before. I was actually sitting in a car next to the father that I never met. The car smelled like a mix leather and cologne.
I didn’t say much at first. I wanted to but I decided to save the questions for later. (*smiling*) I noticed you looking at me. Don’t think I didn’t. Surprisingly it didn’t make me feel self conscience. It almost made me feel (*questionably*) loved.
Our first conversation was amazing. I felt like I knew you forever. It was so strange. I learned that I got my curiosity from you. (*informing the audience*) He told me he’s been watching me. Looking out for me as well as trying to learn about me. He did this trying to build up the nerve to come see me.
I have nervousness like he does. He told me how he panicked when he found out my mom was pregnant. It wasn’t an excuse but at least I had an idea of what happened now.
(*talking to him again*)The fair that you took me to was fun. Im glad that we got to know each other a little more. (*playfully mocking*)I still can’t believe that you that you were afraid to go on the fairest wheel. I told you it’s really not that bad. I always thought that winning a stuffed animal at the fair was impossible but you proved me wrong. (*squeezes stuffed animal*) I named him Kenneth, after you. I take him everywhere with him just as I wish you would have done with me.
On the way home I didn’t notice your unbuckled seat belt. We were just having so much fun. I...I...I just found you and I was so happy...I wasn’t focused...and neither were you. (*confirming*)That car really did come out of no where. For my whole life you weren’t there, then you were, for a moment at least, and then you were gone. Nothing in the drivers seat but glass from the wind shield.
I know that I only knew you for one night, but I love you. I know that a part of you is still in me. I am, after all, your daughter. I know I gave you a hard time about you leaving. It was wrong of you. I never got to say this so I want to say it now. I forgive you.
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