Awaken

My first try at writing a Ballad. Composed in Quatrans: 4-verses, Meter: Iambic Tetrameter and Iambic Trimeter rhythms. Syllable count 8/6/8/6 Rhyme scheme: abab, cdcd, etc.

   

"A w a k e n !"

Surround our hearts with endless song,

across this world of lies.

Let's listen close to what went wrong;

despairing wartime cries.

Of peace, our dreams are not enough …

beneath all anger shed.

Why do we always make it tough?

Time now to move ahead.

In open hearts, it's known what’s right.

So, step out from the dark!

With every day the thousands fight,

and leave their deadly mark.

Awaken hopes today with love,

and give way to the truth.

Believe in heavens safe above …

too many lost in youth.

**✌🏼**

Author's Note

If you happen to read this then I would greatly appreciate a review. I always review what I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa!

Should I say Mona (respect for Leonardo da Vinci?) Lisa?! ... Perhaps it should be so, but shan't never of ever be told as that which is logically, intelligently, & common sense reasonably so, as in containing and astutely & aptly pertaining to realistic truth of facts revealed, rather than concealed: I, as me, a true to Life's Tree, love your writing, for all that it is, and for all that it can/, should/would/ could/will ever of, perhaps, never, be to those with essence's HEARTS possessing EYES & EARS that damn well DO SEE & HEAR! You are a true Poet, a Poet-ESS, beyond any language's portrayal of defining or description... There IS no more that I, as i, can say ...

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Lisasview]

Wow, dearest Marvin... what a fabulous review...
Thank you so much... I try hard at being a good poetess...never seems like I have enough time.
Recently broke my clavicle... a real nightmare..
Lisa

[Susan 🦋]

This is really very nicely written Lisa. Unfortunately this broken world will always be just that… broken. Your meter and rhyme is spot on. Displayed perfectly.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much Susan for taking the time to read and review.
Yes, sadly broken is the right word...broken...
Lisa

[JessyJacob]

Hi Lisa, very great effort, may hope remain in this world.

[Lisasview]

Hope is really all we have.
Thank you for the review.
Lisa

[Perdition]

Wow, such a rough and brave subject to write about. And how do you go about it? It seems you started in anger..understood, and that evolved into a more one on one sort of "HEY, PEOPLE/CHILDREN are DYING here, Can't we collectively do something about this? " approach. I think it's brave enough to take this subject on alone so wonderful.

[Lisasview]

I love your interesting take on my poem... And, to think I was brave to write it...
Yes, it certainly was not an easy poem to write, not only the structure but the topic...I just love that my poem moved along easily...
I had no idea what I was going to write about using this form .. The Ballad... and, then out of the blue my fingers started typing.. Still was difficult, even after I had it figured out because I wanted it to be in perfect Iambic form... so that took quite bit of doing.
Thank you again of reading and reviewing... I have quite a few poems posted... A few I wrote in 1970 like Screams..You might like some of those as well.
Lisa

[Perdition]

I might indeed...sounds like you were "doing time in the universal mind"...The muse or what enters our sleeves and leaves us bewildered and thinking what just happened and from who and where did THAT come to be? We are born into the slavery of our wonderful freedom...Poets and priests for and to the invisible. Truly an honor the second we ever picked up the pen and ran naked into the ocean seeking that octopus for ink...lol. Oh for need and time and bread and love. ..Genuine of course as in love of self to love in others. I am grateful for your kind words and sharing Lisa...The tribes have gathered and called a summons. We have answered and many more will travel to share in the coming to the mountain and ocean if art. Sounds good, doesn't it :)

[Robert Trakofler]

You penned this form perfectly I love the infer from line to line ending in such a flowing rhythmic conclusion! This form lends itself to this so well I find it has a quality of authenticity in the resolve penned within the framework (a sort of old-school wisdom, like a tenet) My muddled mind doesn't do structural poems that much anymore but this makes me want to try my hand at it again:) I have always been a hybrid sort of writer i love to take bits and pieces of many forms and make "bunny" poems lol (my old pen name) but the discipline of writing in form has so many merits in forming ones own voice and yours is quite interesting

[Lisasview]

I am quite blown away by your outstanding review!!
Working hard on structure which as you say is not easy.
This poem was especially difficult to write...not just because of the structure but because of the topic as well.
I only started working on structure about a year ago...but I have been writing poetry for many, many years...(all in a file in my drawer until last year.. Funny how that is..
Yes, do try your hand at it again...good for the brain..as one gets older, to do challenging things..right?
Lisa, now in Spain

[Nima.Hope]

This poem holds a very important advice for all us modern humans. We are so much involved with artificial world that it seems our feelings have become less real and as we try to hide our true personality in this virtual platforms, it appears to me that no longer we have the sensation and caring for abstract ideas like Peace, huminty,honesty & love.
I enjoyed reading it. Miss you a lot dear Lisa, I hope you are doing fine and I guess you might be still travelling, right?
Best Wishes
Nima

[Lisasview]

I am so happy that you liked my poem and so appreciate your wonderful review....
No I am not traveling... We moved from America a little over two years ago and live full time in Costa Blanca, Spain...
Wow, saying you miss me is so amazing!!
I did post several poems since last hearing from you.. I do not think you read them all..
Innocence, Pearls, Ruby Red Blush and, Nymph...just to name a few..
Hugs to you, Lisa, in Spain

[Nima.Hope]

You're awlays welcome, I really like your style. A poem is truly a poem when it has rhyme, sadly recently I've not been able to write rhymeful poems and almost all of them are turning into "Free Verses".
So you moved from America, I thought you were in Spain for travelling. I love Spain so much,it's people are fun loving, kind and sweet, unlike some other European Countries that people are a little bit more conservative. I hope you're enjoying your time there.
Due to the protests after the death of Mahsa Amini, it was (and still is) very hard to connect to VPN( I need vpn to connect to WritersCafe) so I wasn't here for so long and everytime I got here, I would be lucky to post a poem and sometimes while posting it, my vpn would be disconnected but now I'm using a better VPN so I have time to review some friends ' poem. I will try to read them all, I love your style Ma'am.
Hugs to you too
Sincerely yours, Nima in Persia

[Lisasview]

Ahhh, dear Nina you are in Persia...I find it so interesting to connect here on Writers Cafe with so many people from all over the world.
Yes, living in Spain is wonderful.
Sorry to hear you are having issues with rhymes..and with vpn...
Once you are back on I am sure you will get back to writing with rhymes again...I like free verse too... and, sometimes find myself writing in free verse. Right now I am exploring other structures. For example this poem AWAKEN, is in Ballad form.
Your english is excellent so that is not the problem.
Take care,
Lisa

[Nima.Hope]

Yes, I'm afraid to say I'm Iranian, because the first thing people remember from Iran is terrorism not the Persian culture😔.
Yes sometimes free verses are good. If you are interested in Ballad, you can read Rumi's poem's translation. His poems are rhymeful in Persian but some translations might not consider the rhyme.
I'm a big fan of yours ma'am, in any style😀.
Wish you the very best

[jacob erin-cilberto]

You posted this on what would have been my mom's 101st birthday.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, dreaming of peace is not nearly enough...we need to make it happen.
We tried to back in the sixties....but somehow left the cause.
strong poem, Lisa.

[Lisasview]

Oh yes, the sixties...I remember them well.
I am happy to hear you feel this is a strong poem...
I always appreciate your reviews.
Thank you,
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

I really appreciate the time you spent in getting the meter right Lisa. That can be so hard to do. But more than that, it’s the meaning you convey in your lines which is so special for me. Beautiful work as always.

[Lisasview]

What a very nice thing to say... "Beautiful work as always" those words inspire me to write more and more.. Oh gosh, if only I had more time..
Today making strawberry/orange jam and lemon cookies... Took all morning even with Bobs great help. Already time for lunch...
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

The cooking sounds scrumptious. Enjoy the tasting as much as I enjoy your writing :)

[Lisasview]

I really need to find time to finish uptake other two poems I have hanging around and begin my new one...Thank you so much...
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Good luck with finding time. I have endless paperwork at the moment. Such a chore.

[Lisasview]

Me too...and tomorrow is Monday..With so many calls regarding paperwork to complete.
Chore is the perfect word...

[Chris Shaw]

💐………………..

[Tate Morgan]

This was extremely hard to write. I know how hard it was. I have tried it myself. The 8686 meter always gives a punch to the finishing lines well done carried the thought to a crescendo.

[Lisasview]

Oh my goodness Tate, I am amazed that you realise how hard this was to write... Not just because it is a Ballad but because of the topic. I found what I feel is the perfect image.
When I first wrote this I forgot to make it 4 verses! So I had to add a third verse...(as I wanted to keep the 4th verse where it was...that was really hard..
I am going to start writing a French Quatrain today after we make Strawberry/orange jam and lemon cookies..oranges and lemons are from our trees..
Thank you Tate for reading and reviewing,
Lisa

[willweb]

The message in awesome and the meter, flawless. I love this rhyming beauty, it moves effortlessly and is very song like. Wonderfully written

[Lisasview]

Good morning Will,
Thank you for saying such nice things about my Ballad. I really appreciate that you always take the time to read my words and review...
Thank you,
Lisa, early morning in Spain