Taken

Rhyming Couplet Written from a mans point of view.

Taken

No lover's ever touched me as she can;

her heart's been given to another man.

Always thinking I was the one taken;

knowing now, loving her is forsaken.

Wishing to kiss her sweet lips ~ just once more.

Arms entwined we’d walk the majestic shore.

Ahhh, to ease this cruel pain, so deeply felt.

Why such an empty life have I been dealt?

Author's Note

The Avatar is of my mother...

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
You have captured shadows here... an interesting mixture of the precise and the vague. I don't want to assume anything, but the male point of view spoken with a female voice; beside the concept of taken then forsaken, things rarely as they seem, and many times the opposite. Then the interlude... "wishing to kiss again, to entwine and walk as one again. My goodness! And finally, that Dorothy Parker ending! My initial reaction is that a life in which pain is recognized and examined, truly experienced, is ANYTHING but empty. Pain builds strength, strength, character, and character builds the assurance that hope will not be disappointed.
Sorry... sometimes I'm too preachy...
Vol

[Lisasview]

Hi Vol,
I see you reviewed... but I am dealing with pain so I promise to respond tomorrow...
L

[Lisasview]

Here I am Vo,
First thank you for your wonderful...insightful review.
I wish I knew where these thoughts come from..Trying to recall how I felt when I wrote this..so, lets see.. if i changed the entire poem to a females perspective I believe more readers would understand it... but this poem poured out of me.
I think that I was possibly thinking of how an x lover felt when I dumped him..so basically putting my feet in his shoes..and, as I can be rather dramatic at times the ending felt right..
and, yes..disappointment, pain, etc makes us who we are.
Lisa

[Vol]

Lisa...
Thank you I'm learning...

[Coyote Poetry]

When we learn. We lost our great love. Take times to heal, sometimes years.
"Wishing to kiss her sweet lips ~ just once more.
Arms entwined we’d walk the majestic shore"
Dear Lisa, I made the above wish. I knew. Just whispers to the night. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Lisasview]

Thank you reading another poem of mine.
Love can be heartbreaking at times…
Lisa

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes dear Lisa. I believe the saddest love story was Salinger first true love in New York city. He went to war and Hemingway showed a Newspaper in WW2 Germany. She married Charlie Chaplin. He never forgave her. She tried to talk to him. He never spoke one word to her. The letters, he wrote to her. Hidden love letters now, never to be read. You are welcome dear Lisa.

[Vol]

oh... I'm so sorry! Never feel any pressure from me, I'm just happy to meet a fellow traveler who "gets it."

[Lisasview]

I feel zero pressure..
i feel the same way.
really difficult yo type with one finger especially when in pain.
off of a glass of wine and a movie in my recliner..
if you have a minute please read Awaken or Innocence
more tomorrow
bye for now
lisa, now in Spain

[Vol]

I will MAKE the time...

[Lisasview]

I write from personal experience. Nothing fictional.
At my age I have been through a lot and sometimes find myself writing from a males perspective.
If you read Hand-In -Hand or Miles Apart you will see the other side of me.
Lisa

[M]

A simple rhymed poem from the male point of view, which is interesting but not a format I could adopt. I feel poetry should reflect personal emotions and not the fictional. A sad tale told, though, of unrequited love. Something most have experienced.

[Lisasview]

In my experience the idea when writing poetry is to make the reader think and wonder. Not to push a writer into any direction. All my poetry reflects the way I feel... Perhaps you should read another one of mine... I think Miles Apart or Hand~In~Hand might be more to your liking...
Lisa, now in Spain

[Pete]

so sad and hurting. wow. really putting it all out there. poignantly sharp. ouch. format and flow work remarkably well for the subject matter. all well done ... :)

[Lisasview]

Hi Pete,
I always LOVE reading your reviews of my work!!!
You always seem to get what I am saying.
Thank you again,
Lisa, in rainy Spain..but I love it..

[Pete]

my pleasure. what's good is good.

"the rain in spain falls mainly on the plain" ... :)

[Lisasview]

Ha ha..
By George I think....
Have you read my Nymph or Innocence? I think you might like them..Very different from anything I have ever written.
Lisa, working hard to get another one posted..

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is beautifully crafted with a smart use of meter, broken then resumed. The diction and syntax all works without sounding forced.
A wonderful poem.

Winston

[Lisasview]

Thank you Winston for your review.
Lisa, now in Spain

[lightsong]

I Always love it when the man writes with the woman's tongue and vice versa, what I really like about your poem here that it is short and simple, normally men don't know how to express their feelings like women do, when they are under huge pain they either get silent or use their simple language to speak it, or I don't know lol. You and your Mom... so gorgeous 🌷🌷

[Lisasview]

You are so so smart my dear friend...That is the way it is with most mens...Luckily we are here to help guide them...and thank you... my mom was quite famous..
L

[andrew mitchell]

Life has a way of dealing these cards sometimes we win, other times we lose and sometimes you just got to walk away.

[Lisasview]

If we are smart we walk away... As we get older we realise how little time we have here and so we start making way better decisions...well, I hope so...
Lisa

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

What a beautiful write
I love this so much !
I hope you are well belated happy. New year
Well done !

[Lisasview]

Love that you say that you love this poem I wrote so much!! Thank you.. I really appreciate your review and I am so pleased that you enjoyed my poem.
Lisa