Calypso Strings

My Calypso poem is the first I have tried using Richards original "Fives 'n Eights" form. I really enjoyed the challenge!!

Calypso Strings

Calypso Strings played,

love's best plans now laid

all throughout twinkling starlit night. 

Waves move to the beat,

hearts feeling such heat …

arising, desire's sheer delight. 

Promises whispered,

no other sound heard …

dancing close, their bodies alive;

kissing each other,

no other lover …

keeping up with hot rhythmic jive. 

Delicious movements

mate bodies' groovements,

evening waning soon into morn. 

Eyes urgent with need, 

lust they must now feed.

Why, then, these young lovers seem torn?

Perhaps, there is more

they'll find at the shore …

answers they're both yearning to find. 

Fantasies portrayed ... 

are such dreams forbade?

Sensual thoughts dance through each mind.

Clear, brighter day starts, 

feelings gone from hearts …

against rocks, waves crash in dismay. 

Helpless lust withdrawn,

Calypso Strings gone ~

each lover departs their own way....  

--~·⟢*⟣·~--

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
There are only a couple of things in life more intimate than sensual dance. It is a form of foreplay making hot, short breaths and languid, half-closed eyes, a kind of fall into another dimension just the other side of this one. You captured both the rapture of the dancers and the watcher. EXCELLENT job! If I may suggest, in stanza 4 you used the word "find" in two consecutive lines, Maybe change the first one to something like "explore?' I don't know... what do you think? Either way, reading this raised the temperature in my room by several degrees.
In the end, Lust is great fun, but it burns hot and fast leaving just the ashes to remember by.
DANG!

[Lisasview]

love your review vol...i am typing with my left finger as i broke my collar bone this past weekend.
i really appreciate that you read and reviewed my poem. and, i am thrilled that you found an error... best thing ever when a poet really reads and leaves constructive criticism. as this poem has a certain amount of syllables per line and needs rhymes..i will need to put my thinking cap on.
i completely agree about a sensual dance being intimate..i am so happy that you really understood my poem.
ps sorry my response is all in lowercase not possible to type properly with my left finger..
lisa

[Vol]

Ohhh! I'm So sorry for your accident... I am in a similar shape, having suffered major trauma to my left thumb... You never know how hard life can be until it is...

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
I am off my recliner and off pain killers (hate them) not that I am not in pain... Typing with only my left finger is a PAIN..
Gosh major drama to you left thumb..yikes.
Anyway, my plan is to work on my Haiku, first time I have ever tried this.
I want to thank yo again for catching the error in my poem..really means a lot to me when a poet really reads an makes good critics..this seldom happens.
If you have time I would love your thoughts on some of my poems..Perhaps you might like Awaken... or my very first, ever Sonnet, and the first poem I posted last year. Hand~In~Hand
Lisa

[Vol]

Hi, Lisa!
I used to say with a degree of pride "Ain't nothin wrong with me I didn't break." Not true anymore. I am still recovering from a couple of 2022 surgeries, and awaiting Dr's release to do the things that need to be done. So, I've spent a lot of time alone writing and thinking and writing, and... Life is more than the living, it needs to be examined and recorded...
The strange part is, I am a gregarious sort, I don't meet a stranger, and I can hold court with the entire room, but this solitude out here in the Llano Estacaco, has been invaluable. My little ghost town of Gouge Eye (Alanreed), Texas requires I drive thirty-five miles to spend money. And pity the poor person who wants to strike up a conversation... I wear them out!
So... Hello, there...
I am truly interested in learning more about my fellow '49er (maybe) expat new friend ... we kind of grew up together, children of the "greatest generation," but part of the second most interesting one in modern times!
Vol

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Lisa, Lis Lou,

When I read this I think of my Granny Lula Mae, as she was a vibrant woman, a Flapper of the 20's and a Hellraiser too, but also a most sweet and loving woman as much as any caring and loving mother and grandmother can/could do ... A beautiful piece of work, as it seems you, as a most fine and excellent person and woman, truly are ... Splendid writing ...!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
Isn't it interesting where a poem can take you...This poem is about meeting at a bar and what happens after that...
Thank you for reading my poem. I always appreciate your reviews!
Lisa, getting reading to go to the sea and spend a few hours.

[Betty Hermelee]

A very rhythmic piece Lisa; the words dance, and the mood is passionate with a question mark.... something seems awry....as they hold back a bit of their attachment.... they are questioning themselves in this closeness...they both are trying to find answers...perhaps the shore would be a better place...yet still, even in their lust, they cannot blend into one... each on their own way.
really excellent writing!!!
Best, B

[Lisasview]

Thank you Betty for being the very first one to read and review my newest poem... First try with using a new form by Richard... I so enjoyed this form that I ended up using it for 4 poems.
Lisa, waiting while my husband Bob finishes watering our huge garden here in Spain!

[Betty Hermelee]

My pleasure Lisa!