Affection

Affection

A Poem by Lisasview
"

Oh so young...Written in early 1970. Unrhymed Unmetered Quatrains

"

   


    Affection


Pressured by the lack of affection,

the air is thick with lust.

All we have is the touch,

feeling empty with loss of warmth.


Seeing you through the darkness,

feeling you everywhere, but near me.

Lost we are, but not together …

worlds apart; yet, touching.


Cool sand at the end of the day …

we lay side-by-side,

separate - alone, hands touching;

but; not together.

© 2023 Lisasview


Author's Note

Lisasview
If you read my work please take the time to review it.
I always review everything I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

My Review

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Featured Review

Lisa, I take you at your word that you want a reader to review, so here goes. Keep in mind, that when I review I try to do so as if I were an editor and you had submitted this work for publication.

I applaud your delving into a distressing subject that is obviously painful. I'm not sure you got your message across, though. The first stanza to me feels a little disjointed. Affection and lust are too far apart emotionally, I think. Perhaps passion and lust could work better. Pressured is an odd word choice in this sense - feeling pressure to give affection or pressured to receive it?

If I understand you, I think in the first stanza you are saying this has devolved into nothing more than a physical relationship and there is no longer passion or love - only lust.

Again, really a difficult subject and a worthy effort. I just think if you work it you can find a better way to express these emotions. That's why rewrite, over and over and over and...well, you get the idea.

Mary Oliver says she typically revised one of her poems 40-50 times before it was ready.

PS: I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else. I just try to be helpful but honest.

Posted 2 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Thank you.. I have been writing for about 64 years.. stories...and, words which I now realise are ac.. read more
W. Barrett Munn

2 Years Ago

Lisa,
I would abandon the word "correctly", and I would replace it with "to my satisfaction"... read more
Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Thank you....



Reviews

you explore the theme of uncertainty really well in this poem. we do not know clearly how the persona really feels, but the persona herself might not know either. it raises the question of what affection means. it is something obviously crucial, as the first line deprives the reader of it, leaving them feeling empty. and it is contrasted with the word lust, which implies physical affection, but it is not the same thing.
thank you for sharing this work from decades ago. i know you have grown much wiser since then, but getting this glimpse of your more difficult days helps redefine you as a poet.

Posted 1 Week Ago


"feeling you everywhere, but near me." So well said! This is really good poem, one of my favs easily.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Oh my goodness, you are really reading my work...
I do have quite a lot posted....
The.. read more
That was the time I was first delving into poetry outside of other literary forms. And I was hooked. No internet back then like it is now so I am reading this for the first time and am so moved; more so knowing that around that period I was going through similar emotions. Thanks for sharing Lisa.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Hi there,
Wonderful to read that you were moved by my poem (1970) I wrote a fair amount back .. read more
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SM
Another beautiful write... told you I was hooked :) There is such heartbreaking, numbing pain here... and it looks like there is no coming back for this relationship.... they're too far apart... You have captured the 'choking' sadness here... this poem speaks volumes.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Another one I wrote in 1970... You are right there is no coming back to this....
Lisa, now 6p.. read more
Dear Lisa, this is such a sad poem. Two people that may enjoy the others passion but, are not in love with each other or, the love has waned. The last two lines encompasses the entire poem. I like this poem. It says so much. Nice work dear friend. Temp

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Hi there dearest Temp.
I am shocked to find a beautiful review from you that appears I never .. read more
Temperance

2 Years Ago

You’re so thoughtful! Enjoy your evening! Temp
Lisasview

2 Years Ago

I just think it is so important to review and if one gets a review it is so important to acknowledge.. read more
What a beautiful poem, love has its ways, a favour and a curse at the same time

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Good morning Ioana,
Nice to see you reviewing my work.
Yes, love is such a fickle thin.. read more
Ioana Mihai

2 Years Ago

How beautiful that poems may have same meaning and freshness and time has no effect on them… thank.. read more
Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Yes, time has absolutely no effect on poems... Poems are only our thoughts..and the need to write th.. read more
Lisa,

Again, here is another lovely piece of poetry that seems a bit sad for some reason ...

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Hi Marvin,
Yes it is a sad poem. I was 22 years old when I wrote this…1970.
It was .. read more
'worlds apart, yet touching' catches my eye. I reckon that is how it is when we are kids and inexperienced, still learning. Maybe some are more emotionally attuned, but others are only physical alive. Result: confusion. And we all learn at different rates! Some never learning much maybe. Others learning very different lessons. Maybe some continue touching yet remain worlds apart. Ach, fool me, that's what the last verse says!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Hi RJ,
Thank you for reading another poem of mine!
Your comments are so right on…�.. read more
This is a sad situation to be in, and I have been there, so I know how it feels. "worlds apart; yet, touching"... I briefly led that life, and it was not good. You capture the mood and the heavy atmosphere perfectly. Quite poignant.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Than k you reading reviewing my work.
I was so young in 1970
And I am so glad I kept m.. read more
You really captured the moment:
Coming together but not as one. Leaving each filled with more loneliness than before. Like a starving man at a banquet.


Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Years Ago

Hi Cherrie, such an insightful review..."Like a starving man at a banquet." Oh, so clever.. Sorry I .. read more

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31 Reviews
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Added on March 26, 2022
Last Updated on August 31, 2023

Author

Lisasview
Lisasview

Benitachell, Alicante, Spain



About
I have been writing poetry and short stories since I was 10..so 64 years! I have never connected with any groups but recently thought why not.. So here I ..looking at where this adventure leads me. more..

Writing
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