Careless

Another one I recently wrote... Free Verse

 

     

   Careless....

        

       Careless he is ... 

        with my feelings;

        tossing them 

        about like old coins.

     

        Yet ...

        still drawn to him.

     

        Desire to feel his

        breath upon my body;

        I move 

        close to him.

  

        Stroke him ...

        his grey eyes, 

        distant;

        uncaring.

    

        The sheet 

        covers me.

        Lying still,

        I cry ...

          ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to read my poem I would really appreciate a review.
I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

Careless is such an unsightly word and it surely expresses the feeling of one partner for whatever reason; but the most important aspect of this poem is how you express your feelings( as he is cold and distant.... ) and your feelings are portrayed as strong ,sorrowful, woeful, yet you still have sentiments for him....that's what makes it so compelling.... and tearful; great use of words to describe this loathsome scene...
I guess the sheets are now your only comfort....I would cry too!
Best, B

[Lisasview]

Good morning Betty,
Reading my poem this morning I sit here wondering where such sad cam from? And, of course they came from my youth...Deep feelings and memories in me... I appreciate your review so much. I am so happy that my words expressed my feelings well enough that readers are moved by them.
My best to you early this morning from beautiful Spain, Lisa

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome dear Lisa...
My grandson will be in Madrid for his junior year semester abroad this fall... he can't wait!
Best to you Lisa in beautiful Spain...
B.

[Lisasview]

Lucky boy!!!
My grand daughter is also going to Madrid with her College class... but one for a couple of weeks. She speaks perfect Spanish...
Lisa

[KAREN]

Very sad. A person still loves someone so much, but they don't return it! The emotions are so strong, I could feel her heart breaking.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Karen,
Thank you for feeling my sad poem.
I appreciate to you read and review..
Lisa, dark in Spain..

[KAREN]

My pleasure!

[lightsong]

You really brought it all in this! the unrequited love to the brim and deep levels. " Careless he is .... with my feelings", "I cry" sometimes one line tells us everything... again your writing is not about how good they are written, but how your feelings are felt strong and real as we read. wonderful one dear Lisa.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much dear Lifesong...it means a lot to me that your read and review my poems..
So few take the time..
Appreciate your very kind words,
Lisa

[lightsong]

You are warmly welcome my dear :>

[R.J Calzonetti (Siniste..]

Deeply saddening. Not overdone with the imagery, very minimalist, but in a way that is a powerful. Great job with this poem.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for your review... I wrote this so many years ago when I was in my early 20's..
Lisa

[Writergurl]

I am going through a divorce right now, so i know some of these feelings here, very well written and expressed

[Lisasview]

So sorry to be late in responding..But I took my poem off to finish it... Hope you have the time to read my finished poem..
Sorry to hear of your divorce.. I have been through that..not easy.. but it gets better..with time..
Hugs,
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
Did you find the time to read my finished poem.. Just checking in.. Hope you are doing okay,
Lisa