Careless

Another one I recently wrote... Free Verse

 

     

   Careless....

        

       Careless he is ... 

        with my feelings;

        tossing them 

        about like old coins.

     

        Yet ...

        still drawn to him.

     

        Desire to feel his

        breath upon my body;

        I move 

        close to him.

  

        Stroke him ...

        his grey eyes, 

        distant;

        uncaring.

    

        The sheet 

        covers me.

        Lying still,

        I cry ...

          ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to read my poem I would really appreciate a review.
I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

Careless is such an unsightly word and it surely expresses the feeling of one partner for whatever reason; but the most important aspect of this poem is how you express your feelings( as he is cold and distant.... ) and your feelings are portrayed as strong ,sorrowful, woeful, yet you still have sentiments for him....that's what makes it so compelling.... and tearful; great use of words to describe this loathsome scene...
I guess the sheets are now your only comfort....I would cry too!
Best, B

[Lisasview]

Good morning Betty,
Reading my poem this morning I sit here wondering where such sad cam from? And, of course they came from my youth...Deep feelings and memories in me... I appreciate your review so much. I am so happy that my words expressed my feelings well enough that readers are moved by them.
My best to you early this morning from beautiful Spain, Lisa

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome dear Lisa...
My grandson will be in Madrid for his junior year semester abroad this fall... he can't wait!
Best to you Lisa in beautiful Spain...
B.

[Lisasview]

Lucky boy!!!
My grand daughter is also going to Madrid with her College class... but one for a couple of weeks. She speaks perfect Spanish...
Lisa

[Linda alexander]

This poem footed on true genuine feelings especially when reading through in between the lines. Does not matter what is the reason other person is not caring but the poet succeeded in bringing the true feelings of the other. Well done

[Lisasview]

Good morning Linda,
I always enjoy reading a review from a poet I have not read yet... I am delighted to know you liked my poem.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words,
Lisa, from California...now in Spain

[Neville]

I don't like to think of a woman, or a lover crying .. but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this little gem of a poem ..

Neville, just about to clean the BBQ after a late night entertaining friends :)

[Lisasview]

Hi Neville, long time it seems since I last was on the Cafe... Just crazy busy right now... Decided to get back into the swing of things by looking over my poems and I found your review for this one which it appears I neglected to say Thank you!!
So strange because I thought I had...
Lisa

[Neville]

No worries, I have been both very busy & away too .. I hope you remain well .. Neville
read more
No worries, I have been both very busy & away too .. I hope you remain well .. Neville

[Temperance]

This is such a lovely poem, Lisa. It's always sad when a relationship dissolves and, one is no longer treated with care and love. Many of us have felt that pain which causes us to cry. Very nicely done! Temp

[Lisasview]

Hi Temp,
You always say such lovely things about my words..and I do appreciate your reviews so much.
Thank you,
Lisa, now back from Galicia

[Temperance]

My pleasure, Lisa. Temp

[Temperance]

P.S. Perfect photo for this poem.

[Lisasview]

Hi Temp,
I love finding just the right image for my poems... Thank you for seeing that!!

[Temperance]

You're so welcome!

[W. Barrett Munn]

I really like this poem, Lisa. This is classic lyric poetry, describing an emotion by describing the details. It reads easily and beautifully, more like a conversation than a formula. Bueno!
W.
PS: Ha. I didn't realize I'd already reviewed this poem. Just goes to show how consistently good this poem is. Both reviews are A+.

[Lisasview]

Oh, I see you reviewed my poem again..A bit different review than your review of a month ago.
I do appreciate it!!
Lisa

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is such a fine poem; instead of the eternal quest for rhyme, the rhythm comes form the choice of line length, diction, stanzas. Extremely modern and extremely well done. Congrats.

[Lisasview]

Ye, Barrrett... no rhyme..much I my poetry has no rhyme...Wow, what lovely things to say about my poem the rhythm comes form the choice of line length, diction, stanzas. Extremely modern and extremely well done. Congrats. I LOVE the use of your word rhythm...as when I write it is with a sort of rhythm that just flows out of me... If that makes any sense.
Not sure where these thoughts came from... most probably buried deep inside me from when I was quite young...and married to a jerk...
Lisa, on the way to the sea...for a glorious morning on the sand...

[Gee]

To know that a relationship is ending and that the love that existed is now one sided must be heartbreaking. Luckily I have never experienced this.
You capture the sadness of this failing relationship well Lisa :)
Good morning

[Lisasview]

Yes, you are one of the very lucky ones Gordon.
Thank you for reviewing my poem. I do appreciate it.
Lisa

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Lisa.. there are “Sighs” as the years go by.. many infirmities cause a pause that permeates the ❤️ lovers soul. We cry before we realize that even Birds become complacent when Wings are weary and Spring rain sings a Refrain of Beethoven’s Fith Symphony in D Minor…. Tenderly, Pat

[Lisasview]

So lovely to get another sweet review from my my friend.
Alway so gentle with your words...read moreSo lovely to get another sweet review from my my friend.
Alway so gentle with your words...
Lisa

[Chris]

Ever think he may have known you were crying and just couldn't think of anything he could do? Life has a way of "touching" people right where it "hurts" in ways we can't begin to understand without wearing their shoes at least once.

How many of us "lay in their dark", silent, still, barely breathing ...hoping sleep will finally come... or the visions we see and hear within ...might pause. Sometimes life ISN'T what YOU do - its just moments out of time.

[Lisasview]

Hi Chris,
I have no idea where this poem came from because it is not about me...
But you are correct
We might never really know where hurtful remarks originate
Lisa

[Chris]

Sometimes we write of a perception we had... this one has a feel of reality to it.

[Lisasview]

Thank you, when I read it ..it feels very real to me as well.
Glad it stirs things up in the ones that read it...
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Unrequited love is so hurtful and that rejection was felt deeply in your words Lisa, by this reader. A sad, sad situation. We don't always win in matters of the heart.

Chris

[Lisasview]

Good morning Chris,
Thank you so much for your review.. I wonder why this newer poem came to me... but it did..
I am luckily not in that position and I have not ever been..Strange...
Hope todays chill turns to sun..but I doubt is as the forecast is for more rain..
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Pleased to hear that this situation has not been experienced by you and it was your muse who took you there. More rain for us too.

Chris

[Chris Shaw]

Oh, so rude of me. Good morning dear Lisa. Have a lovely day. Forgot to greet you. Still half asleep.

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
Thank you again for taking the time to review my poem...
Lisa