Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[Red Brick Keshner]

This is an interesting little poem! What got me was the image of the crow in S1 and the whale in the rest of the poem. I had halfed hoped to hear what ever happened to that ailing crow, lol. Perhaps a lone balck feather tossing in the wind by the shore. That's just me, though. Thoroughy enjoyed. Thanks for sharing. Frederick.

[Lisasview]

Hi Frederick,
Okay, let's see ... the "ailing" old crow is (her) innocence waiting for a place to die..so innocence disappears....the whale represents time... and, her wishes disappear as she tosses them away..and the whale (time) swallows them...
The whale (time) waited...as time took away more of her innocence...but in the last lines I wrote that time disappeared and so did she with her innocence.
Anyway, that is why I so love the use of metaphors.. people can read into them what they want..
Because of your idea abut the black feather I thought it might be fun to explain my thoughts,
Lisa

[Red Brick Keshner]

Oh wow, even better than what I was thinking. The strands have woven each other together, the loss of innocence and later on the loss of time, that is too beautiful! Frederick.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reading my comment about my poem.. So the loss of innocence happens through the loss of time.
But this is only my interpretation of my poem.. Others may view it quite differently...
Lisa, early morning in Spain

[lightsong]

Thank You for writing something different dear Lisa and more importantly about children. your metaphor of the whale is chosen smartly, I can't help but imagine this whale of a "raper" who steals innocence from children. yet I see it also as the world itself the cruel world that swallows all their smiles, dreams and happiness. poverty, wars, ignorance... ect... all these ugly things that take away the pureness and light of children.

[Lisasview]

So interesting the many reviews with different ideas about my poem..I I was thinking that the Whale represented Time..but your thought is quite good... then I thought of the wishes as innocence.. Every time I reread my poem thoughts pop up...
Thank you again for your insightful review my dear friend,
Lisa... 6pm..dinner over and now taking a break..

[lightsong]

Time! and that's a great idea! time that steals innocence as the person grow up. OH! my I was about to eat my lunch too when I noticed your comment :> have a nice dinner lovely You~

[Lisasview]

I think this is so great.. Our creative minds going over the many possibilities for this poem..
read moreI think this is so great.. Our creative minds going over the many possibilities for this poem..
All the lines poured out of me..

[lightsong]

I agree my dear :>

[JE Falcon]

"Innocence flew by,
like an old crow
looking for a place to die," --- What a gets vision!
Somehow, I wanted to know more about this person, then again, I'm not sure I really do(?). Nice, a solid write with great wording.

[Lisasview]

Oh dear, I just saw this wonderful review of your..written two weeks ago!!
Interesting that you wanted to know more about my poem..but not sure..
Glad you liked my words..
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing..and, sorry i am late in saying Thank you!!
Lisa

[JE Falcon]

No problem. It's been happening to me too, lately; maybe it's TWC, not us. :)

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Lisa. Your lines here are thought provoking. They are heavy with the weight of those innocents losing their lives at present. It is difficult to concentrate on anything other than Ukraine. That's where my heart is at the moment. On the rubble of all that has been lost.

Chris

[Lisasview]

My words are even thought proving to me... I reread them everyday and find more of what my heart was saying.
Thank you for your kind review, Chris.
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Have a lovely weekend dear Lisa. Hope the sun is shining on you :) I love poetry that can have a multitude of meanings.

[Lisasview]

I do too..
Today looks like a beautiful day... Finished practicing piano and now off to finish the housework I started last week.
Have a fun`filled day..
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you :)

[William Michael Reeves]

I read the whale as a predator. The primordial evil that weighs on the innocent. And time creates the silence that feeds the whale. She then disappears into the waters of the human condition. This is very thought provoking which is what good poetry can do. Provoke us into thoughts that maybe we don't really want to think.

[Lisasview]

Interesting to read your thoughts.. Interpretations are great to know.. Did you read the other reviews..and my responses? The whale could be TIME , the wishes could be INNOCENCE...even as I reread my work I find new meanings.. I love that my poem is thought provoking... When I wrote this it just came out of me...
Lisa

[William Michael Reeves]

I know that feeling. Uncontrollable spontaneous poetry. I do read the other reviews. Sometimes before, sometimes after I write. I read these First and did see you wrote the whale as time. And that's what so cool about poetry. Finding our own meaning in other's. Then the inspiration happens. It's a meaningful emotional cycle.

[Lisasview]

I completely agree...
Thank you..I appreciate your thoughts,
Lisa

[Gee]

Oh to have the innocence and naivety of childhood, when the world a big playground with only sunshine and blue skies. Life strips us of this as we age, some losing it earlier than others at the hand of man himself.
An interesting read Lisa, so different from your other posts.
Another well written piece

[Lisasview]

I have no idea where my poem came from.. Perhaps because of what is going on now...The metaphors flew out of me... The Whale as Time...the wishes as innocence and so on.. It was only after I wrote it that I found the metaphors..such a strange feeling..
Lisa

[Sami Khalil]

I like the reference to the whale swallowing innocence as the allusion to the story of Jonah and his innocent reactions to many things or guilty ones. You are a brilliant poet.

[Lisasview]

Oh my I never even thought of that... Although deep down somewhere in my subconcience that though was there.
Fabulous take on my poem anI so appreciate it!!

[Sami Khalil]

It sure is. You are welcome dear lisa from beautiful Spain.

[Cherrie Palmer]

The day fighting countries will protect the innocent rather than exploiting it there we will find hope.
A very touching piece.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much for your review Cherrie..
I really appreciate it...
Lisa

[Patricia Wedel]

Lisa... the Innocence of Children is a Treasure to
cherish... however when Storms of War torn traumas
occur... many are without shelter... and only loving tender
care can repair the damage done. gently, Pat

[Lisasview]

Yes, tender care... Time, which is the whale can steal ones innocence..
Thank you or reviewing my poem.. First one I have ever written like this..
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Just read your comment to my dear husband..and reading it aloud gave us both chills....

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Lisa... we will never be the same again in our Lifetime.. after knowing that Beautiful People of all ages and Nationalities live in Fear... and many have been injured or killed. Humanity has received a terrible Injustice that is absolutely not necessary. We can only hope and pray this will soon cease to be the News each day... so Children Can Play in a Peaceful World and have a chance to learn and be part of a Civilized Kind and Benevolent World. Amen... Pat

[Lisasview]

Good morning Pat,
Yes, this is the really of our world and has been from the beginning... So sad that this reality has never changed.. Breaks my heart.. Lisa

[Einstein Noodle]

dramatic tension builds with the whale just waiting .. horrible the loss and/or destruction of innocence .. reminds me of the words of Jesus Christ when he said "“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:6 .. speaking of the children surrounding him ... pic is striking says i! too many hungry children in the world aren't there?! :(
E.

[Lisasview]

Glad you felt the tension.. These words just came out of me.. I never changed anything... except original the entire poem was him...not her.. but I fell in love with the artwork.. Plus, I needed to put in punctuation and line separation...This was accomplished with Richards help. I have no idea where this strange poem came from... so very different from anything I have ever written before...
Glad it reminded you of Matthew 18:6... glad you connected with my poem Einstein.
Lisa, now sunny in Spain