Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[Ken e Bujold]

This is a splendid poem Lisa. I love the opening verse, the image of an old crow looking for a place to die is very stirring. The metaphor of the whale moving through the poem is strong and captivating. For someone who says English was not her first language, you have a remarkable grasp on how to use it.
SPLENDIDO my friend

Ken e

[Lisasview]

You are so kind to have read and reviewed my poem...I have no idea where this came from but I wrote it early one morning and posted it. I felt this push to write it...
Thank you again,
Lisa

[Peyton James]

What an honest and powerful offering. I teared up, maybe because I recognize every emotion you have painted beautifully. I have had a lot of trauma in my past, so the idea of having innocence stripped away and learning to live with that is very real. You use beautiful and simple language and images to bring these feelings to life for the reader. Thank you for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Peyton,
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my poem.
I am so glad to know that my poem evoked emotion within you. Knowing that my poetry has that power is so very wonderful!!
Lisa, now in Spain

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Innocence flew by,
like an old crow
looking for a place to die,”
This is such a poignant, dramatic and powerful poem and artwork Lisa. It grabs your heart starting from the eyes of the little waif, through the last word of the verses…and beyond. Innocence, once taken by crime or time, cannot be restored. Time robs wishes, innocence in life. As well, So many innocent children lost, abused, stolen, addicted, murdered- the tide is red with their blood. The metaphor and image of the whale is ominous, looming and perfect. Well-penned , great imagery and deeply moving poetic expression of grief for things, people lost.

[Lisasview]

Hi Annette,
You definitely got my poem in a nut shell!!!
Because it is filled with metaphors I think it is difficult for many to understand.
I have never, ever written anything like this... It just came to me and i posted it as i wrote it down.
I was quite surprised to see what I had written..
Thank you so much dear Annette for reading and taking the time to give me such a fabulous review!!
Lisa, now on holiday in Tarragona, Spain

[Temperance]

Oh my.....such a dark...but, great poem Lisa. I was holding my breath feeling the tension build. Time is fleeting and, years have passed without us realizing it. As we look back we see what might have been if we had made different decisions or, taken a different route and, the affect of those decisions. So frustrating that we don't see it at the time of occurrences. So sad that innocence is taken away from all of us....one way or another. Wonderful write my friend! Temp

[Lisasview]

Good morning Temp,
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my poem. I love your review as it clearly states what my little poem is all about.
Greatly appreciated, Lisa..working on my new poem

[Robert Haigh]

Once innocence has gone, it can never be truly regained. A sad truth. A highly poignant poem, Lisa!

[Lisasview]

Hi Robert,
Almost did not realise this review is from you as your image has changed.... Such a wonderful review and I thank you so much...
Lisa, working on my new poem today

[Robert Haigh]

Yes, I keep changing my profile picture, Lisa. Oops! There I go again! Good luck with your writing. I'll be dropping by soon!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much Robert... Just posted Butterfly Kisses...
Lisa, back from a rather long day

[Vertigo Cat1111]

This was a beautiful, truthful poem. That anger when your innocence is taken... when it’s not addressed the anger only builds over time. Every word rings true and I would say more, but I apologize, this poem got me emotional. You describe these feelings so well. I can’t think of a line to even say is my favorite. That regret and anger and blame makes you turn into a speeding ball of emotion and everyone in your way often gets hurt until you fix it. Thank you for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Vertigo Cat,
Thank you so much for your great review!!! Glad that my little poem sparked emotions within you. Your comments about my poem are right on... So much emotion went into this poem...
Lisa, working on a new poem today

[Richard Knox]

Hello, Lisa,
I love the image of menacing, insatiable time devouring innocence! As though a constant diet of innocence is what sustains time. And we must continue to feed it. One of the darker poems of yours I’ve read so far.

I am making my way through your writing (and enjoying it very much!), but I’ve found that I can only read a couple of poems at a sitting on this site. Otherwise my senses and emotions are over-stimulated, kind of like eating too many rich dishes in every meal. But I look forward to tasting all of the fare on your menu over time.

Richard, morning here in Eastern Washington

[Lisasview]

Hi there Richard,
First let me thank you for reading my work and always leaving me such positive ~ fabulous reviews.
Yes, Innocence is quite different from any poem I have ever written... The words just came out of me...Really never changed anything with the original poem...I love your interpretation of my poem.... It tells me that you REALLY read it and thought about it. I too can not read too many poems in one sitting. In fact I have gotten to a point that I only read the poets I enjoy... Oh yes, I will look at a new poets work but if it isn't what I really want to spend my time reading then I no longer read their work...If that makes sense..I just do not have the time...
It seems I write a variety of poems...
For example my sensual poems...now where on earth did all that come from... And, recently NYMPH..again, where did that come from...All I know is that ever since I started posting my poems last February I have been writing pretty much every day. Several of my poems are older...When I was in my early 20's and they are different from my new ones... well, ofcourse they would be that was 50 years ago!!! And, alot has happened in my life over the past 50 years.
Anyway, I am delighted you enjoy reading my poems..
Thank you,
Lisa, already 8pm here in Spain

[Richard Knox]

Yes, I’ve started to avoid poetry that doesn’t engage me or presents an unbearably bleak view of life. I can get that from reading the news! But there are plenty of writers here who do produce poetry and prose that I really enjoy, and no doubt many more I have yet to discover.

Different topic:
We were talking a few days ago about the amazing paella we had in Spain, as well as Andalusian puff pastry, and (I don’t remember which city, but…) the most incredible hot chocolate I’ve ever had accompanying breakfast at a small hotel. This was all 45 years ago or so. Sadly, I haven’t been back to Spain since then. Have a good evening.

[Richard Knox]

Oh, and your sensual poem? My oh my! If wasn’t already hot here in Eastern Washington, those poems would raise the temperature in no time!

[Lisasview]

Ha ha Richard...
Lisa, super early here in Spain

[Fran Marie]

A well crafted poem on
innocence an attribute
that swiftly departs at
some point in life...and
the innocence is lost
so deeply expressed in
poetic verse here

Nice work

[Lisasview]

Good morning Fran Marie,
Thank you so much for your kind review..
Wan't sure everyone would understand as i used quite a few metaphors..Those metaphors came to me with no planning...
Lisa, cool morning in Spain..but it will be at least 90 degrees today

[mattavelli]

Hello, Lisa! :)
This is lovely thoughtful poetry with striking metaphors and great feeling. It reads to me like an ocean of regret/compromise. Thanks for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem and review it.
This poem is very very different from any of my others...
Lisa, now in Spain

[Delmar Cooper]

So strange that in our youth innocence is a burden we wish to grind away from ourselves against gritty experience. Later, much later, it is regret at its loss we so want to shed.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Delmar,
I am delighted that you really understood my poem.. even with the metaphors.. You are so right in what you say...
Lisa, early morning in Spain